As Darkness is Falling
by PirateExtraordinaire
Summary: New Moon from Edward's Perspective. R&R. Eclipse EPOV now up.
1. Preface

As Darkness is Falling

* * *

PREFACE

* * *

It was almost time.

I could feel the shadows receding toward where I stood under the clock. I paused momentarily to hear the thoughts of people around me.

My mind must have been playing tricks on me, because I swear I saw a picture of Bella going through a fountain. Bella…

I closed my mind off to the people and only thought of Bella. Behind my eyelids I saw her face, her smile, her hair…

I could hear her voice.

I could almost feel her warmth.

The clock tolled. It was time to meet my destiny.


	2. Birthday

_**A/N:** _I don't plan on putting one of these above every chapter, so hear me now: I DO NOT OWN these characters. Stephenie Meyer is amazing. I am humbled by the fact that I can play around with them for a while.

And also, I did not come up with this material on my own, seeing as this is one of Mrs. Meyer's books in EPOV, I shall be using (a lot of) her material. And yes, this is my first fanfic. Enjoy.

* * *

BIRTHDAY

* * *

Life was pure and total bliss. I was in love with the most amazing, beautiful, sarcastic person on the planet. I didn't know if I could even call it love, because it was so much more than that. We were soul mates. I was made to be with this person forever.

Of course, this would be okay coming from any human being, but I, Edward Cullen, am a vampire. And Isabella Marie Swan is the one and only human I should have stayed away from. Her blood called to me like a thousand sirens wailing in the night. Being in the same room with her used to be utter torture, now it was as simple as fighting back the urge to kill her any time she got too close to me while I was thirsty, or trying not to allow my sharp teeth cut her lips while we kissed. That couldn't be difficult, right?

Ha.

No matter how strong these urges were, I made a promise: one that I've kept for almost six months now.

Of course, her being in close proximity with me is not the only danger I have put her in, oh no. There was my brother, Jasper, who has an entirely difficult time being near her due to his old lifestyle. I was ardently worried about this in the beginning of our relationship, but Jasper proved himself to be trust worthy during that time when Bella almost died…again.

I shuddered. Thinking about that time always made me feel so wrong. Like I couldn't protect Bella when the time she needed me really came. She came within seconds of being drained. I've never been so happy to have a psychic sister. Had it not been for her,

Bella would not have survived.

Bella and I were only going on our first official parent-approved date when it all happened. We were still becoming acquainted with each other. Charlie was appalled that Bella felt she had to leave right after she found a boyfriend. Poor Charlie, he had no clue what was going on between the two of us. He only thought of us as some type of high school romance. How wrong was he.

Charlie also didn't know that he had an extra male in the house when he slept, either. I guess he would probably forbid me to ever see Bella again if he knew what I was doing, but that could never keep us apart. I think that children should obey parents wishes, but when it messes with someone's fate, they should leave it well alone.

Tonight, Bella seemed to be having an uncomfortable dream, but I didn't wake her, I was hoping that she was not dreaming about me, but I could not be so sure because she was the only person whose mind I could not read. No, it couldn't be me. After all, tomorrow was her birthday, and she was unhappy that she had to turn eighteen. Her body was now officially and quantifiably older than mine. I could see how that would make her unhappy, but I refused to make her into a monster, to take away her soul or damn her to hell – either way, I wouldn't want that for her. It was a burden that only my kind had to bear.

She was alive and well. She deserved to be human.

I at least wanted to get her something for her birthday, but she wouldn't even allow me that indulgence. I settled for making her a CD of my songs, but that was hardly what I had planned. I wanted to do something extravagant for her birthday. I could have done something extravagant, but she figured out that I had been avoiding the subject of presents because I knew what she would tell me and she ended up telling me not to get her presents anyway.

She may have told me that she did not want me spending money on gifts for her, but she did not say that no one else could.

She also didn't tell Alice not to give her a party. However, tonight was going to be full of pink roses and presents. She could be happy with it or suffer through it, but she was going to deal with it either way.

I took my leave before the sun rose. I needed to get ready for school and greet my "older" siblings, Emmet and Rosalie, who recently arrived from Africa.

I ran to my house, slowing as I entered the clearing. Alice was setting up for the party that she had planned to occur directly after school. She was putting Japanese lanterns up on the porch eaves, and large crystal bowls of pink roses lined the stairs up to the door. I walked over to her, stopping just below the ladder she had perched under the eaves. She was working with much concentration and didn't notice when I approached.

"Hello, Alice," I said, smiling at her work. "Nicely done."

Alice did not acknowledge my compliment, but then I heard her 'voice.'

_Thanks, Edward. It's nice having a human around. I haven't done a party in ages. You should see the inside of the house. _She smiled. _Rosalie and Emmett are in there, anyway. Emmett wants to surprise you, so watch out when you take the first step into the door._

I nodded. I could only imagine what he was planning. I opened my mind to him.

_He's getting close now. All I have to do is wait here, and when he walks in I'll jump him. I guess he knows I'm here, but I wanna see the look on his face when…_

I grinned. Emmett was like an open book. Could he not realize even after being with me for decades that he needs to guard his mind from me in order to surprise me? I chuckled as I turned the doorknob and entered the house quickly. I took a giant step into our living area and Emmet whizzed behind me.

"Whoah. I guess you could hear me. Nice to see you," Emmett was obviously embarrassed that one of his attempts failed once again. "How's our favorite human doing?"

"She's older, but I don't think she's changed much."

_Much, eh? I haven't seen her in a few months. I guess there are some noticeable changes. Has she gotten old and ugly on you?_

That retort sent Emmet flying across the room.

"Ouch, kidding, bro!" Emmett was rubbing his head as he walked back over to where I was standing. "We're on the same side here, remember?" _It's Rose you need to worry about._

"How is she?" I said, not really caring either way. I could understand that she didn't like that Bella was human, but taking away my brother and going to Africa was a bit much.

"Fine, I guess. She's not happy to be here, really, but she'll get over it. Or rather, I'll do my best to calm her down as much as possible." Emmett grinned.

"Oh you will, will you?" Speak of the devil. Rosalie was descending the stairs. I'd like to see you try." She smirked at Emmett, and Emmett whisked her up to their room to be alone. Even though, their relationship was very different from the rest of ours, it was still strong in its own way.

I walked over to the piano, sat on the stool, and began to play Bella's lullaby. It soothed me when she was away. I let the melody run through me as if my heart was pouring out through my fingers into the keys.

_It causes you pain to be away from her for only a few hours, doesn't it? _

"Yes," I said, turning to Esme, "It feels like half of me is missing when we're parted."

"I think I know how you feel, but I think I don't know the depth of it. I know that I want to be with Carlisle at every moment, but when we're apart, I know that I'll see him again.

It only occurred to me last night that you don't even have the assurance that you will see her again. Edward, I know that you are so intent on leaving her human, but why? You two need to be together – Carlisle and I have seen that in you two. I know that Bella wants it, so why don't you give in?"

How could she ask me that? She knew my feelings about the entire situation, we discussed this earlier. And on her _birthday_, no less. The day that I felt as if I could almost bring myself to change her, only because I wanted to do the thing for her that she seemed to want most…

"Esme, I can't. You know that." I clenched my fists. I know that Esme was the closest thing to a mother I had, and she could very rarely make me feel tense, but this was one of the times.

"Yes, I know."_ But it was worth a try, though. _She gave me a wistful grin. _I just want you to be happy, and I can see the difficulties that you have to live through. I just want you to think about your future…_

"Please, not today."

_Sorry, Edward._

"It's alright." I said, letting my hands relax.

I drove Alice to school in silence. She, of course, was bouncing up and down, excited about the festivities for tonight. I almost wondered if she was more excited about Bella's birthday or if she was only happy about the party that she had set up. When we arrived I saw that there were not many cars in the parking lot, and Bella had not arrived yet. I decided to lean against the Volvo until she arrived. Alice was still bouncing as she joined me, holding the present in her hand. "I thought that we were waiting for the party to give gifts."

Alice scowled at me, though she was still bouncing. _I wanted to bring her this present now, so we could soften her up._

"I guess that's a good idea."

I heard the truck coming – it was almost a mile away. I looked in the direction that the truck would come and Alice bounced more. She was moving so fast, though, that most humans would only think she was standing still.

Bella parked, opened her truck door, got out, slammed it, sending rust specks across the pavement, and began walking toward us. Alice couldn't wait for her to walk over at a human pace, so she walked over to meet her. I saw a small frown on her face, so I knew that she saw the gift that Alice was holding. "Happy birthday, Bella!" Alice was ecstatic.

"Shh!" Bella said, not wanting to draw attention to herself.

"Do you want to open your present now or later?" Alice said as they walked toward me.

"No presents," she said. Could Bella be serious that she didn't want anything? She was not like any other human. I smiled. As Bella and Alice began to prattle about presents that she had already received, I thought about how fortunate I was to find someone as wonderful as my Bella. I would be with her as long as I could.

When they reached me, I offered my hand to Bella, and she took it. It was so warm, I could never get used to this wonderful being in front of me. Oh, how I loved her. I also had the urge to kiss her, but the school had a ridiculous Public Display of Affection rule that kept me from doing anything more than putting my arm around her as we walked down the sidewalk. I lifted my free hand and traced her lips instead, saying "So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"

"Yes, that is correct."

"Just checking," I said, running my hand through my hair, "You _might _have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts." Of course, you're not like most people, but…

Alice laughed, interrupting my thoughts. "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Getting older," Bella said, and my mind flashed back to my conversation with Esme earlier. I didn't want anything bad to happen to her today of all days.

"Eighteen isn't every old, don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"

"It's older than Edward," Bella responded. I sighed.

"Technically, just by one little year, though."

Thankyou, Alice, now I have to deal with Bella in ten years remembering that one year was just so little…

Alice continued, "What time will you be at the house?"

Bella's face went from a sad frown to a wary glare. "I didn't know I had plans to be there."

"Oh, be fair, Bella! You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?" _A little help, please, Edward._

"I thought my birthday was about what _I _want."

I was beginning to enjoy this conversation, but I decided it was time to intercede. I didn't want to live with Alice if Bella did not come to her party. "I'll get her from Charlie's right after school."

Bella was still reluctant. "I have to work."

Alice had foreseen this, so she responded with a smug tone. "You don't actually, I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"

Bella's eyes were darting from side to side – obviously looking for an excuse, she almost looked like an animal trying to escape from her predator. It was adorable. I smiled wider.

"I- I still can't come over. I, well, I haven't watched _Romeo and Juliet _yet for English."

Alice's 'voice' said, _Nice try, but you won't get out of this that easily._ "You have _Romeo and Juliet_ memorized."

"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it – that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented," Bella replied.

Now it was getting ridiculous. I rolled my eyes.

"You've already seen the movie," Alice accused.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."

_Alright, I was playing nice, but now I have to play hardball. _"This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or another –"

I couldn't stand it anymore, I was about to burst out into a fit of laughter, however, Alice was not very happy. I had to interrupt. "Relax, Alice, If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."

"So there," Bella added smugly.

"I'll bring her over around seven, that will give you more time to set up." As if you hadn't finished decorating almost an hour ago.

Alice seemed to be fine now. "Sounds goood. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." She grinned as she remembered her vision. I had to hand it to her, it would be fun. Bella would enjoy herself. Alice skipped away toward her first class.

"Edward, please-"

"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class." I squeezed the love of my existence's hand and walked toward another day of school. I could live like this forever.


	3. Play

PLAY

* * *

After school, I walked Bella to her truck through the rain as I normally did, but instead of opening the driver door for her, I opened the passenger door. Although Bella's truck was the slowest thing known to man, I still would rather drive instead of her. It was safer. Since I would be taking Bella to my house later that evening, Alice volunteered to take the Volvo home. She also wanted me to make sure that Bella would be coming, so she was sending me home with Bella to keep her from changing her mind.

When Bella realized this, she made no move to get in the passenger seat. In fact, she folded her arms and stood there in the rain. So stubborn. She pouted, saying, "It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"

She would not win me over that easily. "I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished."

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…"

I couldn't let her mind wander in that direction, so I had to concede. "All right," I said, shutting the passenger door and moving to the other side to let her into the driver's side, "Happy birthday." She shushed me and climbed into the truck. My mind wandered to the party tonight. Would she like her presents? Of course she would be grateful for the plane tickets. She really missed Renee. But would she enjoy the CD? And would she like the radio?

With that, I eyed the radio. I started twisting knobs and pushing buttons. I found a good station and turned the volume up slightly. I sighed, saying, "This radio has horrible reception." Of course, Bella wasn't happy with that, as she didn't like my snide comments about her truck. She eyed me angrily.

"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car." She blushed slightly immediately after she said that. I imagine that it was because she realized how harsh her words sounded. Of course, she had no idea that I was only setting her up for tonight, which made her remark much more adorable. I had to press my lips together to keep from smiling. I could not have her in this mood, though.

When we arrived at the Swan residence, I took Bella's breakable face in my hands. "You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I whispered.

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" She was already faltering.

I looked at her intensely. "Too bad." I leaned forward and kissed the most beautiful creature in the world, and as I expected, she was no longer tense. I kissed her until she wrapped her arms around my neck. As usual, my head began to spin and though I had not lost control, I knew that if I stayed like this I would. I immediately stopped kissing her, let go of her face, and took her hands off the back of my neck. "Be good, please," I breathed as I kissed her one more time and then pulled away.

Bella's heartbeat was so loud after I kissed her. I was so attuned to it, I could have picked it out of a large crowd. It was one of the most beautiful, most torturous sounds in my world. As much as her blood called to me, I knew that I could not have it. I could not lose my Bella. My reason for being.

"Do you ever think I'll get better at this? That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"

"I really hope not," I said with a smug grin.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"

I'll do anything with you. Anything you ask. "Your wish, my command."

As Bella moved over to the TV to watch the movie, I jumped on the couch. After she fast forwarded through the opening credits, she came and sat in front of me. I took her by the waist and pulled her against my chest. She shivered slightly and I pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and put it over her. She was so warm. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but I knew she would find some excuse to start the movie over if I preoccupied her with other things. I decided think of the play. "You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo."

Bella looked at me as if I were from another planet. "What's wrong with Romeo?"

"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline- don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"

Bella sighed, "Do you want me to watch this alone?"

"No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." I traced the words 'I love you so much' across her arms and asked, "Will you cry?"

"Probably, if I'm paying attention," she replied.

I inhaled. How I loved the scent of her hair. "I won't distract you then."

As the movie progressed, I tried to pay some type of attention to the movie, and settled with whispering Romeo's lines in Bella's ear. I chuckled when Bella cried after Juliet found Romeo dead.

I dried Bella's tears with a lock of her hair. "I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here."

"She's very pretty."

How could she even think that I was speaking about Juliet? "I don't envy him the _girl_- just the ease of the suicide. You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts…." I was interrupted from my teasing very quickly, though.

"What?" Bella seemed quite appalled.

"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning…after he had realized what he had become." I had to make the conversation lighter. This was much too dismal for a conversation Bella was having on her birthday. I decided to make a small joke. "And he's clearly still in perfect health."

Bella didn't find it funny. She turned toward me. "What are you talking about? What do you mean, this something you had to think about once?"

Here it goes. "Last spring, when you were…" how do I word this? "…Nearly killed…" I paused, struggling to find a way to make this conversation lighter. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."

Bella seemed to be thinking about something in the past. Surely it was that terrible few days with James, Laurent, and Victoria. Although James was dead, I still felt that we should have killed Victoria also. She shook her head and said, "Contingency plans?"

"Well I wasn't going to live without you." Obviously. "But I wasn't sure how to _do_ it- I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help…so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."

"What is a _Volturi?_"

"The Volturi are a family. A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our family has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America- do you remember the story?" If she had forgotten, I would have to tell her again. I hoped she did remember, but I would understand because so much has happened since.

"Of course I remember." Her eyes glazed over, and I could tell that she was thinking about Carlisle's study with the paintings and pictures on his wall.

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi. Not unless you want to die- or whatever it is we do."

Bella looked horrified. She grabbed my face and looked at me intently. "You must never, never, never, think of anything like that again! No matter what might ever happen to me, you are _not allowed_ to hurt yourself!"

Eager for this subject to be over, I said, "I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."

"_Put _me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault? How dare you even think like that?" She was obviously getting angrier by the second. I had to think of something to help her understand.

"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?"

"That's not the same thing."

In a way, I figured she was right. Vampire feelings are so much stronger, there's no way that she could have such intense feelings toward me as I had for her. She was right, but she was also wrong. I chuckled.

"What if something did happen to you? Would you want me to go _off _myself?" I grimaced at the thought.

"I guess I see you point…a little. But what would I do without you?" I couldn't even think of it.

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."

"You make that sound so easy." As if I could continue living my "life" and act as if she never existed. How preposterous. I couldn't live without her.

"It should be. I'm not really that interesting." How silly of her. She was the most interesting being in the world.

I almost argued, but I decided to simply say, "Moot point." I heard the sound of Charlie's cruiser, as he was singing along with the song on the radio in his head. I immediately sat up and shifted Bella to the side so that Charlie didn't have a fit when he entered his house to see his daughter in that position with me.

"Charlie?" She said. I smiled. He was in the driveway now, and he was not surprised to see my car in front of the house. It was Bella's birthday, and he expected me to be here to celebrate. Bella took my hand just before Charlie entered with a pizza box in his hands.

"Hey, kids." _So I see they're to the holding hands stage. I'm glad they're taking this relationship slowly._ How wrong was he. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?"

"Sure. Thanks, Dad."

I passed on dinner, and focused on trying to think of a way to ask for Bella to come to her party. I figured that with it being Bella's first birthday in Forks, I would have a difficult time with that. I decided to do it simply. "Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?"

Bella looked at Charlie hopefully. I imagine it was because she didn't want to go to a party. She didn't want the attention. Charlie, however, misinterpreted her expression. "That's fine- the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight, so I won't be any kind of company." Saved by baseball. Charlie picked up Bella's camera, tossing it to her. "Here."

Bella didn't catch it, so I snagged it just before it hit the ground.

_No wonder this kid likes to play baseball._ "Nice save." Charlie said. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullens' tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets-she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."

"Good idea, Charlie." I said, handing Bella the camera. She immediately turned on me and took a picture.

"It works."

"That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." _I really miss that girl. She's like a second daughter._

Bella chuckled. "It's been three days, dad. I'll tell her."

"Okay. You kids have fun tonight." _And don't let the door hit you on the way out. The game has started, and I need my privacy._

I smiled triumphantly as I pulled Bella from the kitchen.


	4. Party

PARTY

* * *

I walked Bella over to the truck and opened the passenger door for her again. I was relieved that she didn't argue this time. I didn't want to make her mad before her birthday party. 

As I drove through Forks, I couldn't help but cringe at the speed that this truck went. I was unhappy with eighty, but fifty five caused me physical pain. I pressed the accelerator harder, causing the engine to groan. 

"Take it easy," Bella warned.

"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…"

"There's nothing wrong with my truck," Bella retorted, "And speaking of nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."

I grinned. "Not a dime." I'd rather have bought her said Audi coupe, but..

"Good." Bella seemed to be warming up to the idea of the party if I hadn't bought her a gift. Everyone was so excited, which reminded me…

"Can you do me a favor?"

She eyed me warily. "That depends what it is."

"Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."

Bella gasped silently as I said that. I wondered sometimes if she had forgotten our ages. That we weren't human. That when she was with us, her life was on the line. "Fine, I'll behave," she said.

"I probably should warn you…" 

This probably was not the best time to bring Rosalie up. I had been spending all of this time trying to keep her mood light, and right before we arrive at the house, I throw this on her. Way to go, Edward.

"Please do."

How do I say this? "When I say they're all excited…I do mean _all_ of them." Maybe Rosalie and Emmett had been in Africa long enough for her to forget about some of the angry glares that Rosalie had shot at her.

"Everyone?" She seemed extremely nervous. "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa." 

"Emmett wanted to be here." He really liked her. I was very thankful that he did, because it would be extremely hard to have a girlfriend who was human otherwise.

"But…Rosalie?" No, she hadn't forgotten.

"I know, Bella, Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior." I hoped that was true. Emmett had "talked" to her this morning, so maybe he convinced her to be polite.

Bella still looked nervous. I couldn't really blame her, though. Rosalie had been jealous of her humanity ever since she came into my life. Instead of taking out her anger on me for bringing Bella around, she took it out on Bella herself. Her tenacity was so bothersome sometimes. To calm Bella's nerves, I changed the subject. "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?"

Bella's heart started beating faster, and with a whisper, she said, "You know what I want." With that, I had wished that I had stayed on the subject of Rosalie. 

Obviously, I was trying my best to keep her humanity, not take it away. She had _no idea_ what she was asking for. "Not tonight, Bella. Please." It's your birthday.

"Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want." 

I growled. I would not take away her humanity, no matter what. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella."

"That's not fair!" 

My teeth clenched. Not fair? What isn't fair is that I can't give you the life that you deserve, the life that you should have. What isn't fair is that the only way that we can be together is if I change you, which is out of the question, or if I keep you human, and we live like this for the rest of _your_ life. What isn't fair is that I can't be with you in the way that other people can be with their mates. What isn't fair is that I wish so much that I _could _give you what you want, so we could be together, but that is the most selfish thing I could do. What isn't fair is that I can't be human. What isn't fair is that I'm a monster who thinks he deserves you.

As I was fuming, we arrived at the house. Upon seeing Alice's many decorations, Bella moaned.

I took a few deep breaths of Bella's scent to calm myself. "This is a party. Try to be a good sport." I got out of the drivers side and walked over to her side to help her out of the truck. 

"I have a question." I was so nervous, I couldn't reply. I waited instead as I glared at her warily. "If I develop this film," she said, bouncing the camera in her hand, "will you show up in the picture?"

Of all the questions she could have asked. That myth was almost as funny as when she asked if I slept in a coffin. Had it really been nearly six months? It felt like minutes. I immediately threw my head back and laughed. I helped her out of the car and led her toward the house. I was still laughing as she walked in the front door.

As we walked in, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper were all waiting anxiously. They greeted her with a loud "Happy birthday, Bella!" Bella was not used to such attention, and she blushed and looked away. I looked around and realized that Alice had managed to fit more roses in the inside of our spacious living area. Bella seemed to notice that also. Her blush became redder as her eyes landed on the birthday cake and presents. She was so beautiful. I wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed the top of her head.

Esme went to hug Bella and she kissed her forehead. Carlisle put his arm around her shoulders and quasi-whispered, "Sorry about this, Bella. We couldn't rein Alice in."

Rosalie and Emmett were next. Since Rosalie's thoughts weren't completely hostile, I was not worried. Emmett had a huge grin as he approached. "You haven't changed at all. I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced as always." He tried to sound disappointed, but he wasn't very convincing.

"Thanks a lot, Emmett." Of course Emmett's comment would have made her blush. I checked Jasper's thoughts. Bella's blushing could be too much for him at any second.

Emmett laughed and said, "I have to step out for a second," _I'm glad you thought of this Alice,_ "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone." I looked over at Alice, wondering what she had thought of. 

_She was going to try to take the radio back. Emmett went to put it in before she could try anything. _

"I'll try," Bella said, completely unaware of mine and Alice's exchange.

Alice and Jasper were all smiles, Jasper was having a bit of trouble with Bella's constant blush today, but he was doing better than usual. Alice skipped over to Bella and, grabbing her elbow said, "Time to open presents."

Bella didn't look happy. "Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything-"

Smugly Alice chimed, "But I didn't listen. Open it." She exchanged the camera with a large gift-wrapped box. Bella looked at it and seemed to be confused as to what it was.

She tore off the paper, and looked at the box. She saw the outer labels, and tried to figure out what was inside. When she opened the box, she saw that it was empty. She had the most puzzled look on her face. "Um, thanks."

Rosalie immediately cracked a smile. Jasper laughed. "It's a stereo for you truck. Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."

Alice gleamed. I nodded to her in approval.

"Thanks Jasper, Rosalie. Thanks Emmett!" Bella seemed to enjoy her gift. Now I wished I could have bought her something.

Alice was excited. Possibly more excited than Bella. "Open mine and Edward's next." She grabbed the small gift-wrapped square CD that I had made. 

Bella turned to me with an angry glare. If looks could kill, I'd be dead. "You promised."

Before I could say anything, Emmett jumped into the room, looking around. _I hope I didn't miss anything. _He turned to look at Alice, still holding our gift, and said, "Just in time!" We all gathered around Bella. 

"I didn't spend a dime," I said, moving a strand of hair from Bella's face. 

Bella inhaled and turned to Alice. "Give it to me," she sighed. Emmett chuckled like a schoolgirl. I had to remember to make fun of him for that later. Bella took the package and put her finger under the edge of the paper and jerked her finger under it to remove the tape.

"Shoot," she muttered as the paper sliced her finger. My throat started burning. I stopped breathing.

Then Alice had the vision. 

Jasper had lunged past all of us straight toward Bella. He drained every last drop of her blood, and we couldn't save her. Jasper was so ashamed that he and Alice had to leave…Simultaneously, Jasper thought, _I gotta have her._

"No!" I roared. I threw myself at Bella, flinging her back across the table that held her cake and presents. Bella landed in a pile of shattered crystal. Jasper slammed into me, and all I could think of was Bella's safety. I would kill Jasper right now if I had to. Jasper was trying to get to Bella, but I wouldn't allow him to. _Get out of my WAY._ _I gotta have her. Let me have her!_ He snapped at me. When Emmett came to his senses, he grabbed Jasper from behind and pulled him off of me. His eyes were still locked on Bella, and his thoughts were only of satiating his thirst.


	5. Stitches

STITCHES

* * *

_Then Alice had the vision. _

_Jasper had lunged past all of us straight toward Bella. He drained every last drop of her blood, and we couldn't save her. Jasper was so ashamed that he and Alice had to leave…Simultaneously, Jasper thought, _I gotta have her.

"_No!" I roared. I threw myself at Bella, flinging her back across the table that held her cake and presents. Bella landed in a pile of shattered crystal. Jasper slammed into me, and all I could think of was Bella's safety. I would kill Jasper right now if I had to. _

_Jasper was trying to get to Bella, but I wouldn't allow him to. Get out of my WAY. I gotta have her. Let me have her! He snapped at me. When Emmett came to his senses, he grabbed Jasper from behind and pulled him off of me. His eyes were still locked on Bella, and his thoughts were only of satiating his thirst. _

* * *

I wasn't quite sure what to do, but Carlisle came to my rescue. "Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside."

Emmett nodded, _Right. Get him out. _"Come on, Jasper."

As Emmett and Rosalie were dragging Jasper out, I kept my protective stance beside Bella. Everyone was fighting the urge to resist, except Carlisle. I knew I couldn't hurt her, but what if I did? I made sure I didn't breathe. I couldn't harm my angel.

Rosalie wasn't helpful in the slightest. Her thoughts were taunting me. _See Edward? I told you that she doesn't belong in our world. Can't you see? When will you just end this? _

_I can't handle this. I wasn't as strong as I thought. _Esme wasn't able to handle the blood. She turned and followed the others into the yard as she said, "I'm so sorry, Bella."

I was so engulfed with listening to Jasper's thoughts that I completely missed Carlisle trying to tend to Bella. I was snapped out of it when Carlisle said, "Let me by Edward." _The danger is gone, now. Please calm down._ I nodded and moved away. Carlisle knelt beside a shocked Bella. He examined her arm. _No broken bones, at least, although this is quite a gash. Glass shards… I'll have to do some stitches._ Alice brought Carlisle a towel, but he refused it, saying that there was too much glass in the wound.

The blood was everywhere. How could I have allowed this to happen? I could have been so much more careful with her. I did what I could at the last minute, but how could I have..

My thoughts were interrupted by Carlisle saying, "Let's take her to the kitchen table."

I picked Bella up and walked her over to the kitchen table. Carlisle asked Bella how she was doing, and Bella, trying to be a good sport, was trying to ensure him that she was fine. Of course, this pain was nothing to the pain she had to endure from James those few months ago. I sat her in a chair. _Are you sure you can handle this? Edward, if you need to leave, just do so. Bella won't be offended.. _Alice could be so overbearing sometimes. I shook my head no very quickly, and focused on Carlisle's work. I tried to focus on anything but the blood.

Bella finally said, "Just go, Edward."

_See? She even sees it. Please, just go outside Edward._ Alice's persistence could drive a human to drink.

"I can handle it." At least I thought I could. I could handle it when she was in a car with me. I could handle it this afternoon on the couch, so when she was openly bleeding, I could handle it. I could handle it. I could focus on something else and maybe I could try to handle it.

"You don't need to be a hero. Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air," Bella insisted. I almost gave in, but then she winced. I couldn't leave her like this.

I hadn't taken a breath since Bella sliced her finger, but when I took a breath to say, "I'll stay," I could almost taste her blood in my throat. When I inhaled the oxygen, the fire burned in my throat like it had never burned before. I had to fight the need to quench that thirst. I had to stay.

"Why are you so masochistic?" Bella asked. That one hurt. Why was I so masochistic? Because I love you.

_This is going too far._ "Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now," Carlisle said.

"Yes," Bella agreed, "Go find Jasper."

"You might as well do something useful." Alice could be so _pleasant_ sometimes. _Please Edward. For Jasper's sake._

I didn't like that everyone had chosen to kick me out, but I _was_ having a hard time and Jasper needed me, so I nodded and sprinted toward the woods.

As I walked outside and took a deep breath, I felt an immediate relief to my burning thirst. I ran out into the woods to find Emmett and Rosalie sitting on a large stump - probably from a tree that fell in a recent storm. They didn't say a word, but Emmett's thoughts were going wild, as were Rosalie's.

…_How could this have happened? I've never seen Jasper behave so. I mean, we all probably felt the urge to…but Jasper… Wow. I guess I underestimated how much weaker than the rest of us he is. How could this have happened, though…_

_Finally. Maybe Edward will think more about what he's putting this girl into. Since he's not gonna change her, he just needs to let her go. I hope he heard that.. Oh there he is…_

"Hello. Could you two point me in the direction of one Jasper Hale?" I tried to be as polite as possible. I couldn't decide whether I was going to be harsh or loving in respect to Jasper's behavior. At this moment, I was leaning toward the harsh side.

"He ran north," Emmett stated simply.

I took off in that direction, using my sense of smell to try and follow. When I picked up his scent, I could tell that he had gone about fifteen miles into the forest, and I ran towards him. Within roughly a hundred yards, I felt sadness radiating around me. I could hear his thoughts, and they were only of remorse. No, I couldn't be harsh towards him, I didn't want to cause a dissention in our family.

"Jasper?" He turned to look at me. His face fell. He was preparing himself for a verbal beating. I tried to make my voice as gentle as possible. "I know that you wish you could change the past. But it's done. Rosalie helped me realize something, too. Something has to change, and I'm not sure what will happen yet. I just want you to know, though, that it's okay."

"I could have killed her. I tried to hurt you. I..I don't know what came over me." _I couldn't control myself. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry…_

"Jasper, it's over now. Bella is being stitched up as we speak. We just all have to be much more careful. We have to keep her safe." But how? I had to figure out a way to do what was best for Bella.

"I know, but I have to live with this forever. I almost killed your mate." _What if this happens again?_

"This _will not_ happen again!" How could I say that? How could I know that? So many questions.

Jasper looked down. He didn't know what to say or think. I felt a rush of confusion come over me. It didn't help that I was confused myself. "Come on, we need to get back to the others."

Jasper got up, and we ran to the house. Alice was outside, and she ran to meet Jasper. They embraced. Emmett and Rosalie were still sitting on their stump. I decided to go into the house to check on Bella.

Carlisle was telling her a story, apparently. "…I wasn't sorry though. I've never been sorry that I saved Edward. I suppose I should take you home now."

That was my cue. "I'll do that." I walked slowly into the room. I could hear Esme in the next room cleaning up glass and blood. I had to do something about Bella. She couldn't go on living like this with me.

Bella sensed that something had changed within me. She glanced at me warily as she said, "Carlisle can take me."

"I'm fine." Lie. I needed to find a way to make Bella safe. First of all, I had to make her safe from us. Secondly, I had to make her safe from Charlie. She looked completely gruesome in her shirt - it was covered in blood and cake icing. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something."

I walked out the kitchen door into the night to find Alice and Jasper staring into each other's eyes. I approached Alice and said, "Your guinea pig needs a new shirt." Alice eyed me warily. _What are you planning on doing? I see several flashes of things to come, and many of them are different, but none are good. Please, please don't do anything stupid._

I nodded, but it didn't seem to put Alice at ease, and she went into the house. I followed. Alice ran to her side, and I decided to stay downstairs and wait. I walked to the front door and stood.

A few minutes later, Bella returned with a similar shirt and was ready to leave. As we were walking out, Alice shrieked, "Take your things!" and put the unopened presents as well as Bella's camera in her good arm. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."

I walked slowly next to Bella, and opened the passenger door for her to go back to her house. I had no idea what was going to happen over the next few days, but I was sure that something bad was going to come out of this.

Bella took the ribbon that Emmett had placed on the dashboard and threw it to the floor.

When I got into the truck, she threw the ribbon under the seat. I didn't say anything as I sped to Bella's house. I was too busy thinking about what I could do to fix everything - to make Bella safe.

"Say something," Bella finally said, her heart racing.

"What do you want me to say?" 'That was a lovely night, we should do it again sometime?' Of course not!

"Tell me you forgive me."

What on earth? How could she say that? "Forgive _you?_ For what?"

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened." On the contrary. There was nothing she could have done to avoid it. It was going to happen eventually.

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut-that hardly deserves the death penalty."

"It's still my fault."

How very untrue was that. "Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possible have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own - without someone throwing you into them - even then what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up - and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."

Oh how much I couldn't stand myself for what had happened tonight.

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?"

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a _hell_ of a lot _healthier_ for you to be with!" Rosalie was right. We shouldn't have interfered with her life.

"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton. I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."

That sounded just like one of Alice's soap operas.

"Don't be melodramatic, please."

"Well then, don't you be ridiculous." Ridiculous? Far from it. Rational was the word.

When we arrived at Bella's house, I sat behind the steering wheel, trying to decide whether I should go home or stay with Bella. Right after I had decided to go to my house, Bella asked, "Will you stay tonight?"

"I should go home."

"For my birthday," She persisted.

My goodness. "You can't have it both ways - either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other."

"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs." As Bella got out, she reached for her presents. The cause of all of this turmoil.

"You don't have to take those." You didn't want them anyway.

"I want them."

Oh really? "No you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."

"I'll live." She looked so much more fragile as she shoved the presents awkwardly under her good arm.

"Let me carry them at least. I'll be in your room."

"Thanks."

"Happy Birthday." With that, I kissed her, took the presents, and climbed up through her window.

Downstairs, I could hear Charlie giving Bella the usual quiz over the festivities of the night. When he asked Bella about her arm, she played if off like usual. Charlie wasn't so sure of that, but dismissed it. Bella ran to the bathroom and got ready for bed as I played with the CD I had made her. What was I going to do about all of this?

When Bella entered, I simply said, "Hi."

Bella came and climbed into my lap. "Hi. Can I open my presents now?"

There was a change. She hadn't been this excited about much all day. "Where did the enthusiasm come from?"

"You made me curious." Of course. Bella picked up the present from Esme and Carlisle and began to open it.

"Allow me." I didn't want a repeat of tonight. I didn't know if I could handle the ordeal twice in a row. I ripped the paper off and handed the box back to her.

She muttered, "Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" She opened the box to pull out the ticket vouchers to Jacksonville, to Renee. She eyed the vouchers for a bit, and then realized what they meant. Her eyes lit up and she said, "We're going to Jacksonville?"

"That's the idea." Although I don't know what the future holds.

She was truly excited. "I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind, though do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."

"I think I can handle it. If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you would complain." Not only that, but I could almost see you returning the gift to them.

"Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!"

Although I was wallowing in self pity, I found that to be extremely cute. I chuckled. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable."

Bella then reached for my present, and I took it back and opened it. I was suddenly nervous as to see her reaction to my gift. I handed her the case, and Bella had a puzzled look on her face. "What is it?"

I took the CD from the case and put it in the CD player. I hit play, and Bella's lullaby began to play. Bella didn't say a word. I suddenly felt more nervous. Her eyes started to well up with tears. Of course, I thought it was her arm hurting, so I said, "Does your arm hurt?"

"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it." Bella seemed to be in complete and total bliss.

"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here." Obviously. Bella would murder me if I did so.

"You're right."

Speaking of her arm… "How does your arm feel?"

"Just fine." Bella winced.

"I'll get you some Tylenol."

"I don't need anything." She wasn't convincing at all. I slid her off my lap and started walking toward the door.

"Charlie," Bella reminded. He wouldn't see me. She must have momentarily forgotten about vampire speed. He wouldn't be able to see me moving even if he tried.

"He won't catch me." I ran to the medicine cabinet downstairs and grabbed the Tylenol. On my way back to Bella's room, I retrieved the glass from her bathroom and made it back to her door before it had closed.

Bella took the pills and I noted that she must be getting tired. I picked up Bella and Pulled the cover back. I sat her down with her head on the pillow and tucked her in. I lay down next to her and put my arm around her.

"Thanks again," she whispered.

"You're welcome," I replied automatically, all the while thinking about whether I should even stay. What had Rosalie said? 'Since he's not gonna change her, he just needs to let her go.' Maybe she was right. We, as vampires, were not safe for her unless we changed her. James would not have attacked had we changed her. She wouldn't have the threat of Victoria or Laurent returning if we would just change her. What if I did change her? That would be wrong. What would be right? What else had Rosalie said? '_See Edward? I told you that she doesn't belong in our world. Can't you see? When will you just end this?' _Is ending it all the _right_ thing?

"What are you thinking about?" Bella must have noticed that I had zoned out.

I wasn't sure what to say. That I'm thinking of leaving? No. "I was thinking about right and wrong, actually."

Bella seemed desperate to change the subject. "Remember how I decided that I wanted you to _not_ ignore my birthday?"

"Yes," I looked at her warily. I had no clue what was going through her mind.

"Well I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."

Ah. "You're greedy tonight."

"Yes I am - but please, don't do anything you don't want to do." How could she ask that?

I laughed at that and then sighed, "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do." This could really be the end. I don't want to leave her, but what else could I do to keep her safe?

I placed my hand under her chin and pulled her face to meet mine. I began to kiss her gently, but then, realizing that this may be my last time to kiss my angel, I let go of the usual walls I built up. When I realized that this may be going too far, I stopped kissing her. Bella collapsed onto her pillow, her heart pounding, and seemed as if she was about to faint.

"Sorry. That was out of line."

"I don't mind." I frowned at this. I shouldn't have done that, as she shouldn't be staying up this late. How would she be able to sleep after that?

"Try to sleep, Bella."

"No, I want you to kiss me again."

"You're overestimating my self-control."

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?"

"It's a tie. Now why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?" How could I joke about this right after everything that happened tonight?

"Fine," she said, as she moved closer to me. Within several minutes, Bella was asleep.

She didn't seem to sleep well because of her arm, but that was only part of the worries that I had.

Was I planning on leaving the love of my existence?


	6. Time

TIME

* * *

All through the night I kept thinking of what was right or wrong. I knew what was right for me - to stay with Bella. What was right for Bella - or at least what would keep her safe - was to remove the danger permanently. As much as it hurt me to even think of leaving her side, that was what was right. It caused me complete physical pain to even consider it.

Bella hadn't slept well, and it was because of me - I threw her into the shattered glass. I brought her into my home. I subjected her to everything. I was the danger in her life. If it weren't for me, Bella could be happy. Bella could be healthy. If Bella were with Mike Newton, she would be much better off. If she were with anyone but me, she would be much better off. I had made my decision. I had to remove my presence from Bella's life.

When Bella woke up, I kissed her forehead and went to tell my family about my decision.

When I arrived at the house, I was bombarded with thoughts. Alice met me first. _I told everyone about your decision. Rosalie is overjoyed. _I could hear the audible sigh in her mind. _How could you do this to her? How could you do this to yourself? Do you not realize how madly in love you two are?_

Emmett was not far behind. _I really don't like your plan, bro. It's incredibly stupid. You won't find someone else like Bella._ Of course I wouldn't. I won't be looking for anyone.

Jasper was in the living room, thinking, _If this weren't for me, none of this would be happening. I'm sorry, Edward._

Rosalie was already packing.

Carlisle and Esme approached me. Carlisle stepped forward and said, "Is this really what you want to do, son? If you've decided, there's no stopping you. We've all moved on someone's behalf, and now it's your time."

Esme said, "Edward, don't kill your happiness."

I ignored Esme, looked at Carlisle and said, "Yes, I've made my decision. I need you guys to move as soon as possible."

"We can be out of here by noon," Carlisle said. _We'll be going to Cornell. You can meet us there - take all the time you need. I hope you know what you're doing._

"I hope so, too."

At that moment, Alice and Emmett were right next to me, shouting profanities and by the looks on their faces, they were on the verge of violence.

I ignored them and said, "Alice, Jasper, no need to go to school today. I can say goodbye on your behalf. No need to cause Bella more pain."

_Pain? I'll show you pain. You're not the only one who loves Bella._ Alice was definitely not going to back down. I tried my best to keep my composure.

"I've made my decision, Alice. Please just go with it."

At that, I walked out the front door to hurt the one person that I had ever truly loved.

* * *

I drove to the school and blared some music. I really didn't want to think of anything right now. This whole ordeal felt like a snowball that got bigger and bigger as it rolled down a mountain. Eventually it would turn into an avalanche if it hadn't already.

When I arrived, I stepped out of my car and waited for Bella to arrive, just like every other day. I decided that I would act as if nothing had changed drastically, and I would spring it on her right before I left. No need to ruin these last moments with my star. I opened the door for her. "How do you feel?"

"Perfect." How did I have the feeling like she was lying to me? I didn't want to hear a lie. Only truth. I'd be the one lying over the next several hours. 

I slammed the truck door. We walked into the school, and we went to our morning classes. I spent my time thinking about what I was going to say when the time came to leave Bella. That occupied me for most of the morning. 

As we walked into the cafeteria, Bella looked around. "Where's Alice?" She said. 

And the lying starts. I could at least settle with partial truths. "She's with Jasper." On her way to Ithaca, New York.

"Is he okay?" 

"He's gone away for a while." We're all going away for a while.

"What? Where?" 

I couldn't tell her the truth. She would try to follow. "Nowhere in particular."

"And Alice, too." How she adored Alice. I felt a pang of guilt for not letting Alice say goodbye.

"Yes. She'll be gone for a while." Forever. "She was trying to convince him to go to Denali." Lie.

As Bella processed this, she seemed to look worse than she did, if possible. I was wondering if it was the sudden information she had received or if it was her arm. "Is your arm bothering you?"

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" Okay, it was the information. And of course, I cared about her stupid arm. Her lovely, perfect, stupid arm. I couldn't reply. No need to make her think I was staying. The classes rolled by in a similar manner, and before long, we were on our way to Bella's truck.

"You'll come over later tonight?" She looked extremely hopeful."Later?" 

"I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off." I had almost planned on breaking it off right after school today, but this gave me a chance to put it off. I had at least twenty four hours left with my angel.

I tried to keep my mask of indifference on as I said, "Oh."

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?"

"If you want me to."

"I always want you." How could she say that after everything that happened. Maybe when I leave, she'll be able to find someone to love so fast. Someone she really can give herself to - body, mind, soul, and spirit. 

"Alright then." What else could I say? I kissed her forehead and then shut the door. I walked back to the car to drive to an empty house.

When I arrived, the house looked barren. No thoughts were emanating from the walls. No Alice to run out and greet me with the random happenings of our family. No Rosalie tinkering with the cars. No cars, even. I walked inside and sat for a few hours. I let the misery take me. I couldn't imagine being away from Bella forever, but it was best. 

I almost changed my mind. Then, I looked around and realized that the plan was already in motion. Everyone had already left - they were probably there already - and I was here to finish the task. Oh, how I dreaded seeing Bella's face when I broke up with her! It was the one thing that I really did not want to do.

I decided that I should go to Bella's house - Charlie would be home by now, and I could wait on Bella. Anything was better than trying to convince myself to stay. Or rather, anything was better than causing Bella to remain in constant danger.

When I arrived, Charlie was in the living room. His thoughts were neutral. I knocked on the door, and he came to answer. "Hey there, Edward. Come on in. Bella's not home yet, but you can watch some baseball with me if you like. The Cards and Cubs are gonna be playing soon. They're rivals, ya know."

Of course I knew. I was a native of Chicago. When my parents would get the chance, they would take me to the grand stadium and we would watch the Cubs play. I always supported the Cubs when they played all those years ago…

I went into the living room and sat down in the armchair. Charlie was watching the ESPN Pre-game show. I focused on the television. 

Within the hour, Bella entered the house. "Dad, Edward?"

"In here," Charlie called.

"Hi," She said quietly.

"Hey Bella," Charlie replied automatically, his eyes never leaving the television set. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table." By 'we,' I'm sure he meant 'he,' because the pizza was there before I arrived.

"Okay," Bella replied.

Bella walked slowly into the kitchen, and I turned to see that she was looking at me expectantly. I gave her a small smile and said, "I'll be right behind you." I looked back at the TV to check out how the Cubs standings were. I hadn't kept up with baseball in a while. I heard the sound of Bella going up the stairs and I decided to stay where I was. I then heard Bella coming back down the stairs, and then I heard the sound of the camera taking a picture.

I turned and looked at Bella, and Charlie said, "What are you doing, Bella?" _The game is about to come on, child. Why don't you just take Edward into the kitchen or something?_

"Oh, come on. You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt." 

"Why are you taking pictures of me, though?" _The game is definitely about to start._

"Because you're so handsome. And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects." 

_I'm going to have to call Renee and tell her about how much this kid is getting on my nerves with this camera…_

"Hey Edward. Take one of me and my dad together." 

Bella threw the camera at me, and I caught it, and got ready to snap a picture. Bella wasn't smiling, though. She looked absolutely worried. With reason.

"You need to smile, Bella," I grumbled. She gave me a half smile, and I settled and took a picture.

_Okay, now to take the attention off of me…_ "Let me take a picture of you kids."

I stood up and tossed Charlie the camera. Bella shuffled over to me, and put her arm around my waist. I settled for placing my hand on her shoulder. 

_Maybe they're sick.. Neither of them look so hot. _"Smile, Bella." Bella made an attempt, and the picture snapped. "Enough pictures for tonight. You don't have to use the whole roll now." I immediately moved my hand and got out of Bella's hold. I couldn't allow her to think that everything was fine, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I was leaving soon. At least she would have some forewarning. I sat back down in the armchair. Bella sat on the floor and we remained like that until the game was over. I immediately stood to take my leave. "I'd better get home."

Charlie didn't look up from the TV, but said, "See ya." I couldn't bring myself to look at Bella. I walked straight to my car.

Bella asked, "Will you stay?" She seemed to be able to read my mind as there was no hope in her eyes.

For the first time in months, "Not tonight." I got in my car and drove away from the only one who holds my heart.

I went home and gave in to the misery. I couldn't have her. I didn't deserve her, I felt so empty.


	7. The End

THE END

* * *

What was wrong with me?

I hadn't even left her yet, but I still couldn't bear to move, even. When morning came, I stood up somehow, and walked out to my car. I turned it on and drove to the school at the normal speed limit. I was the first one in the parking lot, so I sat there and tried not to think about anything. I felt hopeless. How was I going to break up with her? How could I convince her that I didn't love her so much?

I would have to do it somehow, and I would have to plan. By this time, Bella arrived. I sauntered over to her truck, and opened the door to her truck. I didn't say a word. The entire morning went as such until Mr. Berty asked Bella a question about _Romeo and Juliet_. I whispered the answer to her and then the silent routine continued.

At lunch, Bella gave her camera to Jessica and gave her free rein to take pictures, obviously trying to find a way to talk to me without interruption. She seemed to be trying to think of something, but in the end, said nothing. The day went on without speaking. I was still pondering how I was going to do this. I was still without an answer, and, consequently, I decided to push back the conversation twenty four more hours. 

I decided to go home and stay there through the night. Being silent around Bella was torture. I couldn't imagine a life without her, and I felt hollow. It was as if I had already done the deed and was trying to live without her. But she was there today at school. I could be with her now. But not in the same way. Being with her was a hazard to her safety.

I felt like a complete monster. I, a vampire, had tried to build a relationship with a human. I had fallen in love, and it was a love that could surpass no other. I knew that she loved me too, but there was no way it could be as much as I loved her. Humans were not capable of such love. I was a monster to subject her to so much danger. I was a monster to even think this would work. But most of all, I was a monster for what I was about to do. I couldn't stand myself.

School followed the same pattern as the last few days: I drove to school alone, waited for Bella to arrive, let her out of the truck, and we walked together through the halls silently. After school, I waited for Bella to come outside. It was time to do what I had stayed behind to do. I had to say goodbye.

"Do you mind if I come over today?"

"Of course not." Bella had no idea. I felt like more of a monster.

"Now?"

"Sure. I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."

I took the letter and said, "I'll do it. And I'll beat you there." I smiled for her sake, and closed the door.

Bella said, "Okay."

I drove quickly to the mailbox, and placed the letter in it. I sped to Bella's house and parked in Charlie's spot. The next couple of minutes were spent anxiously awaiting Bella's arrival.

I got out of my car when Bella arrived, and she let herself out of her truck. I took her bag and put it back in the seat. Bella looked puzzled, as I have always taken her bag and walked with it into the house. I had different plans for today, though. 

"Come for a walk with me," I said, taking her hand.

We walked toward the woods and I was rehearsing the lines I had conjured. When we reached the tree line, I walked a few steps and realized that Bella may get lost. I didn't want to be the reason for yet another accident. She could trip over a branch or something of the like. I stopped. 'Here goes,' I thought.

I leaned against a tree, trying to take in her face one last time before I broke her heart more than I already had since her birthday. 

"Okay, let's talk," She said. 

I was still trying to savor the moment. I took in a deep breath to let her scent permeate my being, and then began. "Bella, we're leaving." Simple, to the point.

Bella seemed confused. "Why now? Another year-"

Time to make excuses. "Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

Bella looked more confused than before. She didn't understand. I kept staring at her with a mask of indifference on my face. Finally, a wave of comprehension flashed across her features. It had sunk in. "When you say _we-_" She whispered.

"I mean my family and myself." That hurt. It hurt so much to see the look in her eyes.

"Okay. I'll come with you." She didn't understand. I had expected this. I_ knew_ I wouldn't be able to convince her that I didn't love her, but I had to try.

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going…It's not the right place for you." That was truth. Where we were, Bella was in danger.

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella." Another truth.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life." On the contrary. Look at your arm.

"My world is not for you." Another excruciatingly painful truth. My world is not a place for a perfect angel to be.

"What happened with Jasper- That was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" 

"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected." 

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"

I had to interrupt. "As long as that was best for you." I should have stayed away in the beginning. I shouldn't have caused this amazing creature pain.

"_No!_ This is about my soul, isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you - it's yours already!" 

I looked down. I felt like I was on a balance. I was leaning toward the side that told me to stay, especially after Bella said that. But the truth was, in order for us to stay together, I would need to change her. It would take her away from the danger. I couldn't have that. There is no way that I could have that happen. I looked up at Bella with determination. I had to end this for her good.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

Bella seemed like I had just stabbed her in the heart. "You…don't…want me?" I felt as if something had stabbed me, too after she said that. It hurt so much. How much I wanted to say 'yes,' to take her in my arms and tell her that it would be okay, that we could work it out, but I couldn't.

"No."

"Well, that changes things." Bella seemed to believe the lie. How could she so easily?

I had to try to show her that I still cared for her, without ruining the whole thing. "Of course, I'll still love you…in a way," The only way. "But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…_tired_ of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that." I'm sorry that I have to hurt you right now.

Bella tried to speak, and I tried to keep my composure. She finally said, "If…that's what you want."

I nodded. I couldn't say anything. What would she do after I was gone? How would I know? "I'd like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much."

"Anything," She said, and I knew that she would keep this favor. As much as it hurt me, I knew I couldn't return without staying. I had to ensure her safety.

I let go of my composure and said, "Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?" 

She nodded. I returned to my mask of indifference. I had to make sure she knew that 'I didn't love her,' which was far from the truth. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself-" For me. "For him."

Bella nodded again. "I will," she promised.

"And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." You can live your life like nature had intended you to, without a monster from me complicating your existence. I smiled gently one last time. "Don't worry. You're human - your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?"

"Well," I won't be able to forget a second of our time together. I will be in agony for the rest of eternity - or at least until you die an old woman in your bed surrounded by your children and grandchildren. "I won't forget. But _my _kind…we're very easily distracted." Another lie. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

"Alice isn't coming back," Bella stated. I shook my head slowly.

"No, they're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye." I should have let the others say goodbye. I should have.

"Alice is gone?" She seemed to be unable to comprehend that. I felt horrible, I had taken away her lover and her best friend.

I decided that the truth wouldn't hurt. I decided to make reference to the doctor in Phoenix. "She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." She needed to heal.

"Goodbye, Bella." I said.

"Wait!" 

Bella was lost. She reached out for me. I almost lost my composure once again and began to reach out for her. I decided against it, and grabbed her wrists. I put them down to against her sides, kissed her forehead, and said, "Take care of yourself."

I ran into the forest hoping that my one and only love would not follow. I had just done the most despicable thing that a being could do on the planet. I had deprived myself and possibly another of true happiness. I made a roundabout turn to make my way to Bella's house. I knew that she had developed the pictures, and I planned on ridding her of anything that reminded of me.

Upon entering her front lawn, I saw that Bella's window was closed. I went in through the front door and saw Charlie's photo's of Bella growing up over the fireplace. I stood there for a moment, taking in each one and trying to picture Bella at each stage of her life, growing into the beautiful human that she was. Human. That's why I was doing this. That's why I was putting her through all of this pain. Bella needed to maintain her humanity, and this was the only way to do it. Of course she would find love in another. That is how humans work. 

But what about me? What about my wants? 

I forced my mind to stop going in that direction as I raced up the stairs into Bella's room. I found the pictures in the scrapbook and took the ticket vouchers and CD and put them under a semi-loose floorboard. I inhaled Bella's scent once more, and left the house.

As I got into my car, I decided to go back into Bella's house one last time and write a note to Charlie on Bella's behalf. If she tried to run away, I wouldn't know what I would do with myself. She did promise to be safe, but I couldn't take any chances. I found a piece of paper and wrote:

_Going for a walk with Edward, up the path._

_Back soon._

_-B_

I took one last look around Bella's house, my sanctuary, and got into my car and drove. 


	8. New Beginning

**A/N:** So, here goes. I can only stand so much Edward self-hatred, so the next few chapters are going to be short. For that, I apologize, but I'm trying!

* * *

NEW BEGINNING

* * *

I drove. I had to get away. If I didn't, I would crawl back to Bella, begging her forgiveness, pleading with her to take me back. I knew that that wouldn't work, because I had probably already caused her enough pain. After that, there was no way that she would ever forgive me.

I was a monster. Plain and simple.

I turned on the radio to something - anything, and turned the volume up to the maximum decibel. I didn't pay attention to the chords or the lyrics, but I used it to clear my head. I pressed down the accelerator. This was going to be the longest ride of my life.

When I went through Michigan, I stopped at the Lake. I'd seen this many times before, but this time I looked at its splendor. Nothing like a hard break up to make you appreciate things more. I was standing on a dock, Volvo running, in the dark. No one was around. I decided that I should jump in to clear my head. I undressed, and left my clothes and shoes on the dock. I jumped in.

I swam to the deepest part of the Lake - several miles in - and sat at the bottom. I could see the full moon in the sky, and I couldn't help but wonder if Bella was looking up into the sky right now. If she could even see the moon, or if there were clouds.

Being in the water was almost cleansing. I couldn't move much because of the pressure, but I was at peace. Nothing around me was moving. I was alone in the water - it really reflected how I felt - alone and empty. I didn't have to breathe, I could just think. I spent that time revisiting the happy times with Bella, and it crushed me to think of what she may be doing right now. She would heal, she was human.

I ended up staying there until I saw the dim light of sunrise approaching. I knew that fishermen got up early to fish, so I swam back quickly, dressed, and got back in the car.

I drove straight to Ithaca, where my family was waiting. When I arrived, I saw that Carlisle had gotten a penthouse suite an a luxury hotel, and he told me that Esme was out looking for a Victorian house to remodel. They were acting as if we had just picked up and moved - just like any other time.

This time _was_ different, though. We put down roots. How could Carlisle and Esme be acting the same?

Just after I decided to ask about it in anger, Alice came into my head. _Edward, I saw the question you were about to ask. They're acting like that because they don't want to cause you pain. I think they should, though. You'll go back to her. I may not see it yet, but you'll break, and you'll go back to her. You two are meant to be together. If you don't go back to her, she'll probably end up killing herself...Meaning that you should go back._

"That won't happen! She promised, and don't go looking for her future, either. We've done enough damage."

_If you insist, I won't go looking into her future...But I still think you should go back. _With that, she came and kissed my cheek and then skipped off to go shopping with Jasper.

Just then, Emmett entered the room. He was angry with me. He walked up next to me and punched the wall beside me, leaving a gaping hole. _That should have been your face. How could you do that to her?_ He turned around and walked away. At that, Carlisle came into the room and said, "What just happened in here?"

"Emmett felt the need to punch the wall, is all." I shrugged and sauntered out of the room. I didn't know how much more of this I could take - Either someone was mad at me or someone was acting as if Bella hadn't existed. I didn't know which was worse.

Just then, Rosalie skipped into the room. "Hey, little big brother!"

"Little big brother?"

"Well, you see, physically, you're younger than me, but in age, you're older than me! Don't you get it? Little-Big-Brother!" She smiled widely. I had never seen her so…bouncy.

I was completely confused as to her behavior, but I was sure that it would be made clear in a moment. "What's this happiness that is emanating from your very persona?"

"Oh, I'm so _happy_ to be _here_!" _Instead of there - with _her_ walking around. _"You know, we can all be normal again - just the seven of us."

I tried my hardest not to jump on Rosalie right then. "Normal? How could anything be normal? Bella is _GONE!_ How am I supposed to live?"

"Just like you always did."

I went and punched an identical hole in the wall. At that, Carlisle walked in again. "Emmett, again?"

Rosalie butted in immediately. "No, it's just Edward and his teen angst. You know how boys get. You say one thing that rubs them wrong and they get angry." She skipped out of the room.

"Edward, son, I need to talk to you." Carlisle put on a fatherly demeanor.

"Carlisle, yes, the second time that was me - but Emmett _did_ punch the first hole.

Carlisle shook his head. "Edward, this isn't about the hole in the wall so much as it's about Bella." I cringed. I wasn't ready to hear her name spoken aloud by someone else.

I gulped. "Mhm."

Carlisle continued. "If you're going to live here, you're going to have to _live here._ You aren't allowed to saunter around this house like a zombie. I know you just got here, but you're a very constant being, and I know that if you begin like this, that's how it will be. Try to have a new beginning."

"I'll try." I said. I had no idea how to even start, though.

I walked into my temporary room and sat on the bed. "New beginning?" I muttered to myself. What the hell was that? I really didn't _want_ a new beginning. I wanted Bella. My salvation. My star. My only point of reason.

For my family, though, I had to do what I must.

I could try to go back to a high school, but the adolescent thoughts would drive me up the wall. No, I would go to Cornell, where Carlisle was working. It would help clear my head.

* * *

I walked into the living room after a few hours and said, "I've made a decision."

Carlisle said, "Yes?"

"I have decided to go to Cornell next term." I hoped that my voice sounded determined enough.

"Very well, then. I suppose that you can handle the arrangements. What do you plan on going into this time?" He looked distracted by a book of some sort, probably trying to keep up with current medical advances.

"I'm not sure. I may go into Psychology again. I'll think about it."

Carlisle looked up at me again. He studied my face and finally said, "Okay. It's nice to see you trying, Edward."

After that, I went into my 'room,' shut the door, and turned on the television. It kept the others from entering the room. I curled into a ball and thought again about my life with Bella. I relived every minute, every detail. I lost track of time. At one point, someone even came in and turned off the television.

Finally, Emmett came in and said, "Edward, you've been in here for a few weeks. We haven't bothered you because of the break up, but my God, Edward, look at you! You've smelled terrible since you walked in the door - what is that, seaweed in your hair? And furthermore, you probably haven't been hunting since before Bella's birthday."

I hadn't heard her name audibly spoken since the day I arrived when Carlisle said it. I cringed once again. I felt the hole where my heart was growing. Reliving the moments was so much better than this life. This lie. Trying to live like there was no problem. Trying to have this 'new beginning.' Well, I had failed at that, at least.

I got up and looked in the mirror. My eyes were pitch black. Sadly enough, though, I didn't feel any type of blaring fire in my throat as I had when I didn't satiate my thirst.

I went to the bathroom and undressed. I turned the faucet up as hot as it would go, and I cleaned the grime of Lake Michigan off of me. I stood in the shower for God knows how long - I think I was waiting for the water to get cooler, but then I realized that this was a large hotel's shower, and furthermore, I was in the Penthouse Suite. It would take days for the water to get cool.

I got out of the shower, almost expecting to feel like a new…being, but I didn't feel any better than before. In fact, I felt worse. The only thing that I could really feel was pain.

I went back to the bed, and curled up in a ball again. Life was meaningless.

* * *

At some point in time, Emmett and Jasper entered the room and begged me to go on a hunting trip with them. I agreed, if only too keep everyone from looking at me with the worried looks.

The trip went by without consequence, and I simply sat there on the car ride to the nearest state park. When we arrived, I walked out and sat down until the other boys decided to go hunt. They said some things to me, even shot some thoughts in my direction, but I didn't hear anything. I was numb. I gave in to my inner monster and hunted the animals, and went back to sit down. That's how the entire weekend went.

We drove back to the hotel and I went to my room, got on the bed, and curled up in a ball. If I could have cried, I would have. It would be so wonderful to have such release. Life as I knew it had ended. Maybe this was my new beginning. A beginning of darkness, nothingness, futility.


	9. Intervention

INTERVENTION

* * *

Weeks passed. I'm not sure how many, as I was in a zombie-like state for the period. People would force me to get up and move around for periods of time. Every two weeks, people took me hunting at one place or another. 

Life went on normally for everyone else. Carlisle worked at a hospital and at Cornell. Alice shopped, Jasper had started taking night classes. Emmett and Rosalie acted like themselves. Esme was still working on remodeling the house out of town that we were to live in.

I hardly moved. 

I was mostly reliving my happiest memories of Bella. The day in Biology where Bella started spilling her life story out to me, the night in Port Angeles - after I had calmed down enough to enjoy it, the days I learned so much about her when we had question times, the day at the meadow, the next morning at my house, the first time she told me she loved me, every night that I watched her sleep… It was the closest thing I could get to being even remotely happy. 

Sometimes I could hear people saying my name in my head. I immediately would block them out and think of my Bella. I wondered at times what she was doing…If or how she got over me. Had she found a new love? Had she gone back to her old routine? I had no clue.

I was almost tempted to return to Forks, if only just to check on her.

I had to stay away, though. I had to keep my distance. If I _did_ go back, what would she do? Would she reject me? At that, I would have to go straight to Volterra. There would be no reason to live. Would she take me back with open arms? The thought of this almost drove me to return to her. Almost.

As I was debating complicating Bella's existence once again, Carlisle entered the room. "Edward? Edward, listen to me. We would all like to see you in the living room. We have something to discuss."

I slowly got up from the bed and moved at an alarmingly slow rate toward the living room. Everyone was sitting with their respective mate - Carlisle with Esme, Emmett with Rosalie, and Jasper with Alice. It only made me miss Bella more. She made me whole. Now I was alone again. I slumped down into a chair. 

Everyone was looking at me.

"Edward, we need to speak to you, and we need you to pay attention," Esme said lovingly. I missed her voice, I hadn't heard it in so long.

"Yes, Edward, please listen to us." Alice said. _This is for your own good._

"What do you need?" I was defeated. I would listen to get this over with, then I would return to the bed. Thinking about my star was much better than sitting in a room with these people.

"Edward," Carlisle said, "We're very worried about your condition. It's been almost three months since you came in from Forks, and you haven't even made an attempt to…_be._" _It's like looking at a corpse. You aren't living, Edward. What can we do to help?_

"Carlisle, you can't do anything to help, unless you can change me into a human." It hurt to continue. I hadn't said her name in almost three months. "…Bella can't be with me, so I can't live."

Alice chimed in through her mind with, _You're not the only one who misses her, we loved her too, you know._ I decided to ignore her.

"Edward, it doesn't have to be like this. You can keep living. Why don't you go to those classes like you said you would?"

"I don't feel the want or need to go to those classes, Carlisle."

"Hey man, what do you think we should do, then? Want to take a trip to New York City and mess with drag queens and aspiring actresses for a few months?" 

I cringed, "No, Emmett, and I have no idea where you get these ideas from. Sometimes you sicken me."

"You could always help me remodel the house." _I could use some help, it will get us into the new house faster. _

"No, Esme, I know that remodeling is your hobby, but it's never been mine. Besides, I would ruin everything. Or I would drive you up the wall with how meticulous I can get with things.

"We can always get you a new wardrobe…" Of course, Alice and her shopping. 

Jasper and Emmett helped me this one. Like a chorus, we all said, "No!"

_Well, then. _Alice looked at Jasper. _You're sleeping on the couch for the next few months._

Carlisle decided to suggest something, too. "Since over the past several months you have shown how resistant you are to blood, why don't you work with me at the hospital?" _It could be fun - sort of like father-son bonding time._

"I'm sorry, Carlisle, but no." I tried to refuse nicely.

Finally, Rosalie opened her mouth. _Don't kill me for this, but…_"Maybe you should get back in the saddle. Tanya has volunteered to help, if you want…" 

I couldn't hear another word of it. _"TANYA_ will have nothing to do with my future, Rose! I can't believe you would even suggest that!" As if I could love anyone other than Bella.

"We thought it would help you move on, son." _We thought it was for your own good. _Esme could be so loving sometimes, but right now, I wanted to hit her. Tanya? How could she even imagine that I could be happy with anyone _but_ Bella?

_I don't know what your problem is, Edward. TANYA is actually one of us. You should take a little vacation up to Denali and see what happens…_

"Emmett, you need to keep your woman in check. I think she's becoming a lunatic." I felt like my entire family was turning on me.

"Could you guys please think about what you're trying to ask me to do? I wouldn't ask any of you to leave your mate!" I was infuriated.

"If you didn't notice, none of us asked you to do so, either," Emmett pointed out.

I didn't know what to say. I started, but Rosalie pointed out something as well. "If you really did love her as much as you say you did, you wouldn't have left her!"

"I'm sorry to say this, but they're right. I know that I complicated things, but Edward, there's no way on earth I would leave Alice. It really makes me question your feelings. But right now, all I feel is hate emanating from you." Jasper could be _extremely helpful _sometimes 

"Edward, what we're trying to say is that we want you back. It's like when Bella isn't here, none of us can have you. Can you understand what I'm saying? We want all of you or none of you," Carlisle finally said. _I really hope you understand._

I had to do something…I really didn't want to be in the same room as them, let alone the same city. There was no way that they could understand the depth of my love for Bella. Alice may have had an inkling, but if she had allowed this conversation to occur, then I had to change my mind about that. I thought that they had understood the tiniest fraction of it, but that was all shot to hell with this conversation. Not even Carlisle or Esme understood. I had to leave, and soon.

Alice was immediately in front of me. _Are you leaving us again, Edward?_

I looked at her and nodded. 

_Where will you go?_

"I'm not sure, but I have to leave now." I didn't know what else to do, so I got up and headed toward the door.

_Be safe, _was all I heard behind me as I left. My mind went to the day when I had to go hunting before our trip to the meadow. I had left a note with those two words in the driver's seat. Esme was so caring, but this was not a good time to remind me of Bella, as I was already feeling horrible for leaving my family behind again.


	10. Obligation

**A/N: **This chapter is dedicated to my hero, myf.13. She left the longest review known to man, and for that, I applaud her. The least I could do is this. Anyway, thanks guys for reading.. You're awesome! My apologies for the short length.

* * *

OBLIGATION

* * *

I had to find something to do - somewhere to go. If I didn't watch myself, I'd end up in a room curled up in my ball for the rest of eternity. I wasn't safe with myself if I was left alone with my thoughts. I had to find something to do that would help Bella and keep me 'distracted' when I could be.

What was most important concerning Bella?

Of course, her safety. It had been my only obligation since the first laid eyes on her. 

The first day, when I nearly killed her myself, I was only thinking of trying not to kill her, mostly because I could see the monster that is myself in her eyes. On the icy day in the parking lot, my only thought was to keep her safe. I kept her safe when she went to Port Angeles and was almost brutally raped by those men. When I went on hunting trips, I made sure she stayed safe to the best of my ability. Even on the way to the meadow, I made sure she stayed safe as she climbed over branches and walked through the moss of that Forks forest. I kept her safe when we drove to the baseball field. I could only think of her safety when James and Victoria tried to hunt her…

Victoria. That was it. I had to go find her. I had to track her and kill her. For Bella. For her safety. This could be my new obligation.

The only problem was - how did I even begin tracking?

I went back in my memory to think of the things that James and Victoria had done. They picked up our trail and followed it. When they lost us, they went to Bella's records and found where she lived. They found a way to contact us, and brought Bella to them.

I couldn't even start from something like that. It had been months since I had even _seen_ Victoria. Laurent may have still had ties with her, but they may not have been friendly. They were all I could ride on, though. 

I picked up my cell phone and called Tanya.

The phone rang twice, and Tanya answered, saying, "Hello, Edward. I haven't heard from you in a while. Is there anything I can _do_ for you?"

I tried to sound as pleasant as possible, though I was disgusted to even hear her voice after the conversation I had previously with my family. "Yes, Tanya, there is. Is Laurent still living with you in Denali, perchance?"

Tanya replied, "Why yes he is, he has actually mated with one of my sisters."

"Oh? Might I ask who?" Small talk always made me uncomfortable, especially with people like Tanya. She may take it wrongly.

"Irina of all people. Who would have thought it? Laurent isn't really very attractive at all. I'm not quite sure what she sees in him." No wonder Rosalie liked Tanya so much - they were so much alike.

"At any rate, may I speak with him? It's an urgent matter." I was still trying to think of how I was going to word this with him, but then I decided on improvisation.

"Why yes. Here, hang on a second." A few minutes passed.

Then, "Hello, Edward. It has been a while. To what do I owe this honor?"

"I was actually wanting to ask a favor of you." 

"What did you need? I'll do anything in my power - Your family saved my life. Just ask, and you'll receive." Exactly what I wanted to hear.

"Well, I was actually wondering where Victoria was. Do you keep in contact with her?"

"Yes, I do. I just talked to her this morning. She checks in with me every other week. She is currently in Tennessee. There are quite a few hikers in the Chatanooga area. Why do you ask?"

"No reason. I just wanted to check up on her. If you don't mind, though. I wish that you would keep this conversation on a need-to-know basis." If he called Victoria, it would ruin my plan.

"No problem. I owe my life to you. May I ask what you're doing these days?" He seemed curious, and since he had been honest with me, I decided to be honest with him, or at least, halfway honest.

"I'm traveling on my own, enjoying the sights. But anyway, I need to go. It was a pleasure talking to you." You gave me all the information I needed.

* * *

Within hours, I was in the Chatanooga, Tennessee territory. I looked through local papers to see any mysterious disappearances. I didn't come up on any, so I decided to wait.

I sat in my car for the next few days, only getting out at night to check the papers. They gave me nothing, until one day, I had a lead. One person had all of the signs of an experienced vampire abduction, so I was off into the woods. It wasn't long until I caught Victoria's scent. I followed it until I found her, hunched over a human corpse. The blood didn't bother me, for I was only focused on her. She looked up at me, and darted off in the opposite direction. I followed her, but eventually, dawn began to approach. I raced back to my car, and drove as close as I could to the place where I last saw Victoria. It was there that I would wait until nightfall. I only thought about Bella and tried to put the pain aside as I waited.

* * *

When twilight hit, I was on my way. I picked up a faint trace of Victoria's scent and went with it. I ran until I came up on an airport. I walked in, found the gate where her scent lingered, and asked a worker, "Did you see an incredibly beautiful woman with red hair board a plane here recently?" They needed some credibility or they couldn't provide this 'confidential information. "I'm looking for my sister, and I think she ran away."

_Whoah, this guy is completely gorgeous. I wonder if he'll give me his number._ I cringed. I always thought I was safe with male employees. "Well, sir, we saw your…sister…board a small plane to southern Texas -McAllen, I'm sure - roughly an hour ago. Is there _anything _I can do for _you?_" 

I replied with a quick "No" and ran at the fastest human pace possible toward the front of the airport. When I arrived, I came up on a nice looking old woman with a pretty smile. I approached her and said, "Excuse me, Miss, but I was wondering if you could book a flight for me to McAllen." 

_For you, doll, I can do anything._ She looked up at me and winked. "Yes sir, I can. Our next flight is leaving at seven. How will you be paying for this flight?"

As I made arrangements, I thought about how close I was coming to ensuring Bella's safety. It almost felt as if I had purpose.

When I got on the plane, I acted as if I was asleep. I had to plan what I would do next.

When I arrived, I asked around to see where Victoria went. I got a few different leads, but two were identical. I went with those. I received news that she had gone across the border. Thank goodness I had my passport. 

When I crossed the border into Reynosa, I felt lost. I was in a town of eight million people - how was I going to find Victoria? It was about ten o'clock there, and the gangsters were the only people outside. I didn't want to deal with fending off an angry mob, so I simply looked through their minds to see if Victoria had been seen.

I rented a car and drove through town doing such. Finally, I found someone who had seen her. She came to change some dinero into dollars, and went back across the border. I trudged back to the United States, and then someone sent me on a lead back to the airport.

This tracking stuff was hard work.

While I was trying to find a lead, I saw someone boarding a plane to Brazil with wild red hair in someone's mind. I decided to act on that. I went and bought a ticket for the next flight to Brazil and waited.


	11. Moving Forward

**A/N:** My avatar is the young Peruvian girl that was mentioned in this chapter.

* * *

MOVING FORWARD

* * *

While I was on the plane, I decided to make a phone call. I picked up the telephone, followed the payment directions, and waited for her to answer.

It had been far too long since I had made contact - I hoped they wouldn't be mad.

"Edward! I have been waiting on the phone to ring for precisely one hundred and seventy two seconds! Where have you been? I see flashes of different things for you, but I can't make out what you're _doing._ It's all so odd to be partially in the know, but not fully. Why didn't you call from your cell phone? Oh, right… You're on a plane. Where are you going? What have you been doing? Hello? Edward?" Alice was more than happy to talk to me.

"I was just waiting for you to finish or for the world to end." I was able to put on a mask of happiness for once. I felt that what I was doing was right, and I was even slightly happy to know that I could be with Bella in a way- by keeping her safe.

"Oh." She seemed embarrassed. "Could you answer my questions now instead of making me feel awkward?"

"If you insist." I paused for effect. She seemed to be getting nervous, as I could hear her hitting something like a nail polish bottle against her hand faster and faster in the background. "I've been tracking Victoria. I figured that it was the only way to stay in connection with Bella - in a way. I'm currently on a plane to Brazil. I've been following several leads, and my sources tell me that she's on her way to the Rio de Janiero airport."

"I see."

"Do you?" I was asking if she had had a vision.

"I'm not so sure about what you find, as I'm not so attuned with Victoria, but I don't see you finding her. I'm sorry, Edward."

"You have no idea what you're talking about. I've come close to catching her once, and next time, I won't fail. I won't stop at anything. I _will_ find her."

"It's up to you what the future entails. Keep your determination." She was not confident in what she said at all. In fact, she was so nervous, I heard the nail polish bottle explode. In her hand. She shouldn't have bought all of those glass bottles that was foolish, especially because of our stone-like hands.

I had to assure her, though. "I will. Do you mind if I speak to Esme?"

"No problem. Excuse me for a moment. Take care of yourself, okay? I don't want my favorite brother to be hurt." 

"Alright, Alice. No need to worry. I'll watch out for myself."

Within a few moments, I could hear a shuffling sound in the background, then a familiar voice came on the line. "Hello, Edward?"

Her voice was so worried. I should have called earlier. "Esme."

"Edward! Where have you been? I've been worried about you! Thank you, by the way, for checking in. If you didn't do that, I think I would have gone crazy," Esme said.

"You're welcome. If you want to hear details, ask Alice. I am not at liberty to repeat myself several times for everyone. Just know that I'm safe and that I'm living. Tell Carlisle that I'm trying my best."

"Okay, Edward. It was nice talking to you." She seemed saddened by my lack of enthusiasm.

"Goodbye for now." At that, I hung up.

* * *

Within hours, I was at the Rio De Janiero airport. My Portuguese wasn't very good, so I settled for speaking Spanish to the locals when I had to. I spent most of my time, though, searching through people's heads for a match for Victoria. Once I found one. I sighed. I felt like I was on a wild goose chase.

How many planes can a woman go on before she loses control? Especially a female vampire who nourishes herself through human blood instead of animal blood. 

I went to buy a plane ticket to my next destination - Lima, Peru.

This flight was almost too easy - it took me to Lima in almost an hour. When I got off the plane, I searched minds for the fiery red hair that I had come to recognize in people's heads. Of course, when people here saw her, they would remember. They were all a dark tan color with black hair, and Victoria was a pale white with long red hair. They would also remember me, obviously, because I was a couple of feet taller than the average Peruvian and I also had the same skin tone.

She was making this too easy.

As I walked through the airport while searching people's minds, I found an inkling of hope. Someone had seen Victoria climb onto a bus to Arequipa - a city in the mountains. At least I had a city, now. The downside, though, was that she would be in the mountains, and it would be much harder to find her.

Months passed. The nights were starting to mold together. I had been tracking Victoria for quite some time now. I only gauged time by how long I had to stay indoors before I began the hunt again. I was having no luck picking up a trail, but I was certain that Victoria was near.

I had developed a new philosophy over the past few months, and it was to keep moving forward. If I gave up, what kind of position would that put me in? One where I would have to stay miserable forever, not knowing if my Bella was safe. Instead of giving in to the pain, I would try to ignore it as much as possible at night. I would keep going to ensure my love's safety.

* * *

I had followed Victoria into the Andes mountains of Peru. Hunting had become especially difficult, as the only livestock around were sheep and alpaca. To find herds of them that were not being shepherded was much more difficult. 

About every two weeks, I would go in search of them. Most of the herds were marked somehow - maybe the owner would brand them, or they would have pink spray paint on their wool. Others were more difficult. 

I had a problem with taking these animals because they were their way of life. The wool provided clothing, and their offspring provided food. At times, I could even see people's belongings being lugged by the animals. I couldn't take them away. I moved forward, though.

I found it especially awkward when I had to hunt without giving in to instinct. I had to keep my control when I was extremely thirsty, as if I didn't think that keeping my control around Bella was enough. Keeping my control when I was hunting for food - a time when I was used to losing control - was almost unbearable. When I found a lone alpaca or sheep, though, they would not suffice. I felt famished. Hence, I had to be much more careful when I was around humans.

At one point, I was in the main square of Arequipa, and I happened upon a young girl. She asked me if I could help her feed the birds. It was all I could do not to take her in the square full of people. Her blood reminded me of Bella's, and I hadn't even had a sheep or alpaca in a while. She held out a bag of seed toward me and turned toward the gray birds. I put the bloodlust out of my mind, and took a moment to actually look at the girl as a human being. The young girl was so beautiful. She had a look of innocence across her face, and I felt like a monster for even thinking about killing her. She was wearing a blue and pink sweater and a floral skirt. I imagined that she was cold since we were in the mountains at night. 

I offered her an alpaca wool hat that I had purchased, but she refused. She asked me to help her with the birds once more. I decided that I could spare a few moments with this girl, as she reminded me of Bella so much. I took some of the seed and held out my hand. One of the birds jumped over to me and started pecking seeds from my palm. 

The little girl looked up to me and smiled. She said, "Feliz dia de Santa Isabella." Isabella. Of course I would run into a holiday with a saint's name tacked onto it, but Santa Isabella? Who was this Santa Isabella? 

I turned toward the girl. "Que es Santa Isabella?" 

The girl replied, "Santa Isabella nos ayuda cuando estamos enfermas." Of course. Isabella helped the sick. My Isabella was never sick, but she couldn't help but get hurt wherever she went. Remembering all of her clumsiness made me smile. I chuckled.

The little girl looked at me with a puzzled stare, but then she went back to feeding the birds, as did I. We talked about her home outside of town and also the three volcanoes that surrounded the town. She said that only a few years ago, one of them smoked. The other two had not done anything in hundreds of years. This girl was very intelligent for her young age. It reminded me of a young, tan, black haired Bella.

I was about to ask her more questions when her parents beckoned her. I crouched down to say goodbye, and she came up and kissed my cheek. If I had a daughter, I think I would want her to be like that.

I turned away, filled with a new motivation. Being reminded of Bella in a happy light made me have the will to keep moving. I had to kill Victoria, if only for Bella's safety as well as my new friend's.


	12. Wallowing

**A/N:** My apologies for the length, but I try to go for quality instead of quantity. 

Reminder: I don't own these characters, Mrs. Meyer does. :)

* * *

WALLOWING

* * *

The new hope that I had found dwindled drastically after I had still not found Victoria after all of this time. What had I done wrong? I was sure that I saw her get on that plane to South America in Texas. Where was she, though? I couldn't find anything since I left the airport at Rio de Janeiro. 

I didn't even want to consider the possibility of failing my Bella, but the possibility was there. Over the last several months, I had moved back and forth between Brazil and Peru, and what did I find? Nothing. 

I decided that since the sun rising, I should go into a shaded alley to give in to the misery. I thought back through everything that I had been through in the last several months.

Emptiness. That's all I could feel, other than the stabbing pain that was where my heart should have been. Of course, my heart hasn't beaten in over ninety years, but it felt like there was a cavern in my chest where the heart _should _have been.

Torture. That was the best way to describe it. I'd been without her for six - nearly seven - full months, however, I still felt like I needed her with every fiber of my being, so what was I doing in South America sitting a Peruvian alley? Why was I so foolish as to allow myself to be parted from her? There was the fact that I constantly put her in danger, but couldn't our love overcome that? 

No.

I could not allow myself to think that way. I had to give her a chance at happiness. At safety. At humanity. And a had a task to fulfill.

Victoria seemed to have a habit of running away at precisely the right time, like she had a knack for evasion. I followed her through Tennessee, Texas, into Mexico, and now I was carting between Brazil and Peru. I know she hadn't tried to physically kill the only soul - mortal or immortal - who had held my heart, but she had helped that sad excuse for vermin, so she had to die too.

Things like her made me wish there was a hell. A place for eternal suffering is exactly where things like her should go. Hell was where she needed to be, and I would send her there - or wherever we went - soon.

Everything reminded me of Bella - my music that I had listened to with her, my car that still had the faint hint of her scent, even Alice, her best friend. No one could understand the pain that I was going through. That's why I had to leave. I couldn't handle being around these things or these people anymore. I decided to do something that required so much concentration that I could take at least part of my mind off of her. Thus, I began tracking Victoria. 

I tracked her everywhere, and here I found myself in South America of all places. I was thankful that I decided to study foreign language in a part of my very long life, as I would be lost without my knowledge of Spanish. Since I had arrived here, it seemed harder and harder to find her. Now I felt like I was on a wild goose chase. 

Of course, my family was worried about me, and I couldn't blame them. Their son or brother had gone crazy over the last year and a half- falling in love with an interesting human, inviting her into a house full of vampires, putting her in mortal danger first by exposing her to the more dangerous human-killing vampires to spending every day with her during a summer, knowing that within a few years we would have to move on, leaving the mortal behind. I knew all of this, but what was wrong with living in the moment, growing in my love for the beautiful, caring, clumsy Isabella Marie Swan?

The answer was there all along - I was a mortal threat. A danger to her. I knew this, but somehow I allowed myself to push that out of my head because I knew that somehow it could work out, even though her floral scent made the back of my throat burn with the intensity of a thousand fires. I thought we would be able to last until that day. I was a monster. We were all monsters. I still remember what went through my mind as I smelled her blood after she cut her finger. The look on her face as she fell to the ground still made me cringe. Most of all, the thought of Bella still and cold on the ground was what made me leave. She could do better, but still… I didn't feel as if I could last much longer away from her. 

I wanted to go back - no - _needed_ to go back, if only to check on her, but I didn't feel as if I could, for going back to Bella would be going back to putting my love, my soul, my entire reason for existence into danger, because I knew if I went back, I would stay. Although it sounded so _right,_ I could not do that. She would move on to a better life, one where she could have children and be with Renee and Charlie. They needed her, too. Yes, Bella's happiness was much more important than my own. 

My happiness. There was no chance that I would ever be happy again. Life without her was meaningless. Empty. No, I could not be happy. Not without my Bella. My star. My only reason for being. Yes, when she died I would definitely follow. It is a possibility that we would be together then. Or we would be eternally separated. The thought of this made me shudder.

I watched as the last rays of the sun passed across the horizon. 

At that moment, I knew that if I did not get up and begin hunting again, I would be going to the nearest airport and jumping on an airplane. Back to Forks - back to my Bella.


	13. Call

CALL

* * *

The last few days passed ever so slowly. I was having trouble finding the will to keep hunting Victoria. I had been going for months, and I was about to return home to start over. I could always call Laurent again to find out. I almost hoped that he wasn't killed for sharing the information. I hoped that he took my advice and kept the information of my contacting him to himself.

Bella's face was there any time I closed my eyes. It was like a blessing and a curse. I could remember everything we said to each other, every facial expression, every cute grin she sent my way... It comforted me, but it also filled me with longing - longing to return to the only place that felt like home since I was human. I was trying to live through a minute without willing my legs to stay put. My heart was in Forks. I had to go and find it.

My phone vibrated once. 

I had no will to answer it - whoever it was would leave a voicemail. I had no will to do anything these days. As time passed, I withered. Of course, vampires can't die this way, but I still felt hollow. Like I was going to break. At this point, I only hunted when I felt so weak that I considered hunting humans. The game was so different here - sheep and alpaca. Two of the oddest tasting animals that I had encountered. If mountain lion and grizzly bear were tofu and soy milk, these new creatures were grass - not even that - they were the dirt that the grass grew out of. Tracking Victoria seemed to be getting harder and harder as the days rolled by, and thinking of Bella and returning to Forks seemed to fill my mind more and more. It was beginning to drive me mad. I wanted her, I needed her, how could I have been so foolish?

My phone vibrated once again. Why did the person decide to call again? How long had it been since the first vibration? Had I really not been paying attention?

Why did I care? It wouldn't be anyone worth talking to. Why did the possibility of Bella calling always flash into my mind? Of course, I hadn't expected her to call me after I uttered those terrible words in the forest outside her house, so why did this possibility come to my mind now?

My phone vibrated a third time. I decided to look at the caller ID this time - it was Rosalie. 

I definitely did not want to talk to her.

She, of course was the happiest about us leaving Forks - leaving Bella. She never did like her, but how could she be so obtuse as to throw aside my feelings? And why couldn't she just leave a voicemail and let me be alone?

I almost decided to turn my phone off, but on the fourth vibration I picked up.

"Have you ever heard of voicemail?" This was not a very pleasant greeting, but I wasn't in the best of moods.

"Edward, have you ever thought of using a standard greeting such as, 'Hello, Edward Cullen speaking.'" 

She must have been bored, deciding to take pride in the fact that her brother was miserable because of his short obsession with the human. I decided to hang up on her.

Then another vibration. Maybe she had something to say that was important. She wouldn't have called back otherwise, but with that snide remark she made, no one could have been in danger, but my curiosity was biting at me.

I hit the answer call button. "What, Rosalie?"

"I figured you should know that Alice is in Forks, and Bella's not there," Rosalie began in a cheerful tone of voice, but seemed to be getting more nervous as she went on, eventually speaking so quickly that not only a human would think it's gibberish, and it took me great concentration to make out her words. Soyoushouldcomebackandlivewithussinceit'sallovernow." 

So you should come back and live with us since it's all over now. What could that mean? Bella not in Forks? Over? 

"Rosalie, I don't know what you're talking about. If Bella moved in with Renee and found a new counterpart, that doesn't mean I'm going to move back in with you. I'm tracking Victoria." It was almost laughable to hear that she could even think that way. I may not have been within two miles from her, but I could almost hear her thoughts - _Once she moves on, so will he. And he'll come back. It won't matter what he's planning on doing to Victoria then._

I guess one part of that was correct - eventually when the pain lessens the tiniest bit, I may be able to act like the shell that used to be Edward Cullen could go back to normal, but I could never move on. I was irrevocably in love.

"I didn't say that she moved away from Forks, Edward."

"I don't understand."

"She died. Alice saw her jump off a cliff. She drowned, Edward. Alice went back to help Charlie with funeral arrangements, but she'll be back soon, so now you can come home and be with us and stop tracking Victoria wherever you are and be with us. You no longer have a reason to be following her, so you can come home. Carlisle misses you and Emmett is harder to live with and Alice - before she left - seems the same, but different in an odd sort of way. We miss you-"

"Rosalie, did you just say that Bella died?"

"Yes, but-"

I hung up. I didn't need to hear another word. My life - my being- whatever it was, seemed to end right there. If I had a heart, it would have stopped beating. If I had lungs, I would have lost the will to breathe in and out. I knew what I had to do, but I took my phone and dialed the last number that I ever thought I would be dialing - her number. I had to be sure. 

The phone rang twice, and a male answered "Swan Residence." It was not Charlie. Perhaps it was Bella's boyfriend. 

"This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I said trying to imitate my father's voice, "Is Charlie available?"

"He's not here," the voice said, snarling.

"Where is he?" I asked impatiently.

"He's at the funeral." The voice replied after a brief moment.

At that moment, I hung up my phone, threw it in the trash can, and headed toward the nearest airport that would take me to Italy.

* * *

As I boarded the plane that would take me to my fate, I thought. 

How could I have allowed this to happen?

How could Bella allow this? She promised me she would be safe. I know that she couldn't have meant to do this deliberately. She must have bounced back - finding a new person. Humans are so durable. They aren't constant like my kind…

I should have checked on her. Why didn't I go back when I had the chance? How could I have been so dumb to leave in the first place? I should have just changed her, no, I should have only stayed with her until she died, extending our time together. Of course it would have been short to me, but Bella would have been so happy. --Except that she wouldn't have children. And she wouldn't be able to travel to see family with me, seeing as I have been stuck in a seventeen-year-old body for almost a century.

But all of that didn't matter, because my love, my life, my soul had perished. 

And now I was on my way to perish, also. 

Dying couldn't be so bad, could it? What happened after death? That seemed to be the million dollar question ringing in my mind for the last one hundred years. Of course, there were many beliefs about life after death. Some of my kind believed that we went to heaven regardless, that there was paradise wherever we went after death. Others believed that we were all going to hell, the place of torture. Still, others thought that we just vanished. That we were no more. All I knew was that I wanted to go to a place where I could spend an eternity with my Bella. An eternity with my Bella. I should have changed her, but I was too late.

Too late. Too late to take in her scent. Too late to apologize for the words that I used to leave her. Too late to steal one last kiss. Too late to look in to those beautiful brown eyes and wonder how I could be so lucky as to have someone like her. Too late to listen to her prattle about meaningless homework assignments that we actually never did need to know. Too late to watch her facial expressions as she watched all of those silly movies…

Immediately I thought of Bella's last birthday, the day we sat on her couch and watched Romeo and Juliet, the day that my world was ripped apart. Two things came to my mind.

First, I had told Bella that it wasn't going to be her last birthday. If I had a heart, it would have shattered into a million pieces as I realized how truly wrong I was. If I had known, I would have just changed her like she wanted me to. Any time I decided things for us on both of our behalves, I chose wrong. Mistake after mistake, just like Romeo and Juliet. And here I was, doing exactly what Bella told me that I was not to do. The second thing - Bella had said, _No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself._

Of course I wanted nothing more to carry out her wishes, but how could I live without her? 

I couldn't. And that was final.

* * *

Time seemed to fly by as I arrived in Florence, stealing a car that would take me through the Italian plains, up the mountain to the fort-like town of Volterra. I arrived there by nightfall. I sat outside the city which seemed like it was preparing for some celebration - what was the date? - March eighteenth. Tomorrow was the Eve of Saint Marcus Day. Of course. This could cause complications, or it could potentially work in my favor. I started to plan. 

Aro, Caius, and Marcus seemed to be very reserved, but from what I could pick from Carlisle's head, Aro would be the one I would talk to. How would I ask for death? Aro would only use his "gift" to find out why I wanted to die. That seemed to be a good enough explanation, but would they let me? Hopefully, the Volturi would adhere to my wishes. If not, I would have to do something that would expose them, possibly resulting in either a quick death to cover up what I did, or a slow and painful one. 

I decided to only focus on how I was going to ask. 


	14. Humble Request

HUMBLE REQUEST

* * *

I walked into the gate of the city that stirred with excited tourists. I ignored the thoughts of the people. They were only thoughts of lust and envy. I walked into the entrance of the castle, and the new receptionist - Gianna - was working through several papers in preparation for the holiday.

This holiday, unlike Saint Isabella day, was a hoax. 'Saint Marcus' was a man who 'rid' the city of vampires fifteen hundred years ago. The story went on to say that this 'Saint Marcus' was martyred in Romania, still ridding the world of vampires, when really, this 'Saint Marcus' was the same Marcus of the Volturi. He never left the city. In fact, they brought in people from across the world to feed on in their lower chambers. It was quite an ironic holiday.

I put that out of my mind, needing to conjure up all of my politeness in order to get through to Aro. I approached Gianna and smiled.

_This one is one of the most beautiful creatures I have seen. He's definitely a vampire, but what is wrong with his eyes? Curious._

"Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. I would like to speak with Aro, if that is alright."

Gianna blushed and said, "Do you have an appointment, sir?"

I first thought of lying to try to get in, but I figured that she had Aro's schedule on the computer. I decided to tell the truth. "Yes, but if Aro has a spare moment, I would really like to speak with him."

Gianna looked at me and replied, "I don't know if that will work, but I will give him a ring." _Simply because you are so attractive, I would hate to disappoint you..._"One moment, please."

She turned her head slightly, picked up the receiver to the phone and dialed a number. A few seconds later, she said in a slightly muted voice, "Um, yes, may I speak to Aro? It's Gianna….Mhm…Hello, Aro? I have a young man by the name of Edward Cullen here to see you…No, he doesn't have an appointment…I'm not sure, please hold." She put her hand over the speaker and said, "Excuse me, Edward? Are you of any relation to Carlisle Cullen?"

Yes! Saved by Carlisle. "Yes ma'am. He is my father."

Gianna nodded, took her hand off of the speaker and said, "Mister Aro? Yes, he is. He says that Carlisle Cullen is his father…Yes…Okay, I'll send him in." Gianna hung up the phone, and said, "Please follow me." _They don't pay me enough to do this. They're about to feed in a few hours. They're all hungry and here I am walking toward them. Maybe __they will see my courage and will allow me to be a vampire, too. I want to be like them so much._

I tried not to outwardly show my disgust. How could she want to be a monster? Even when she worked so close with the worst of the worst of our kind? I shook my head to snap out of that train of thought and replied, "Thank you."

Gianna led me through a hall into a large sitting room. The three men that were with Carlisle in the painting were all there, as well as several hooded vampires from their guard. Carlisle always remembered Marcus and Caius as the quiet ones, so I could depend on the first person to speak to be Aro.

"Hello, dear boy! You say that you're a friend of Carlisle Cullen's?" An old vampire with long black hair,Aro,sauntered toward me.

"Yes, I am his son." Aro walked around me. _His son.. I don't understand this terminology. Vampires can't create offspring. Is it a possiblity that Carlisle created this boy? _

I knew through Carlisle that Aro could see every single memory that a being had with a simple touch of the finger, so I knew that within moments my own gift would be unveiled before the Volturi, so I decided to volunteer the information. "Yes Aro, I am. Carlisle created me nearly ninety years ago."

_Do you hear what I'm thinking, Edward?_

"Yes. I can also hear everyone within a two mile radius, usually." No need to hide anything. Not now.

"How delightful!" Aro clapped his hands. "I'm sure that since you know about us at all, you know that my talent is similar to yours?" _But infinitely less convenient._

"Yes. And I beg to differ. To hear every thought anyone has had is very powerful."

"You're right, but it gets to be quite a bore having to _touch_ someone in order to hear, though," Aro pouted. "May I see how Carlisle is doing, perchance?"

"You may." I held out my hand. Aro took it. Immediately, his face seemed frozen in an instant. Aro was sorting through all of my memories - the human ones that I had already forgotten, how I came in contact with Carlisle, all of the people that I had killed during my rogue years, moving from place to place, and finally Bella.

He watched carefully how we met, and how her blood called to me. He watched how I left, and then how I came back, and was able to fight against her blood again and again. He then skipped forward to the few days where we had to track and kill James. He saw how I resisted Bella's blood even then. He skipped forward again to Bella's birthday, and then to the day I left her. He then skipped forward to the phone call. He let go of my hand.

"I see. Bella was _La tua cantante_." My singer. What an odd way to put it. _That is quite a burden you bear, Edward._

"Yes, it is." I replied.

"First things first, though." He turned to Caius and Marcus and said, "Brothers, our friend Carlisle is doing well! In fact, he has a coven of seven! He has found a mate, and also he has found five others to call his children, and one of them stands in front of you now. They even live like him. I am proud to say that he has done well for himself." _And now, to deal with you._

"You realize that you broke our cardinal rule? You told a human about us, about our livelihood. You revealed secrets about us. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I fell in love." There was nothing else to say.

"I see. Well, it is forgiven, nevertheless, since she is dead. She is indeed dead, isn't she? Can you trust your Alice's visions?"

"Yes, sir, I can. She is practically infallible. In fact, she is helping her father cope with his loss."

"If I remember your memories correctly, her father Charlie has no knowledge of our species?" Aro eyed me curiously.

"No. He has no idea. Bella is the only one in Forks that knows about us." I couldn't keep a secret. He was omnipresent in my memories, now. "If you don't mind, I would like to make a request."

"Yes, you want to follow through with your…How did you put it…Contingency plans, was it? Well, I will have to discuss it with my brothers. If you will, I would ask if you could kindly step into the waiting area with Gianna again.

"Certainly." I walked out, hoping that Aro would allow me to die without consequence.

* * *

I walked into the waiting room to see a preoccupied Gianna filing her nails. To my disgust, she kept looking up at me and batting her eyelashes. _This one is definitely on my top ten. I hope that he is trying to become one of the guard so that I can look at him more often. He's beautiful._

I decided to block her out with the rest. I tried to focus on the conference room, and I heard a few 'voices' debating. Surely they were going to let me die. Especially after Aro had seen how much I suffered.

* * *

After quite some time, Gianna received a call. She picked up the receiver and said, "Hello? Oh yes…Alright…Goodbye." She took a stack of papers and straightened them, then looked up at me through her eyelashes. "Mister Aro will see you now. Do you remember the way?" _If you have a memory like the rest of them, I'm sure you do._

"Yes, I think I can find it. Thank you." I walked back into the same room and was greeted by Aro.

"Edward! So nice to see you again. Will you please sit?" Aro was jubilant.

"Do you think we can go ahead and cut to the chase?" I was becoming impatient. I was ready to see my Bella wherever we went after this life, or at least to be rid of the misery forever.

"Yes," _What a temper._ "We would like to begin with our answer to your request."

Aro was guarding his thoughts, as were Caius and Marcus. I couldn't know what the answer was until they told me. I was becoming more and more impatient by the second. I tried to hold my composure. "The answer, please?"

"We have to humbly refuse your request. We find that it would be so…wasteful." _It's good business, you see. Our apologies._

"Good business? What do you mean?" I had no idea what they were talking about.

"We would like you to join our guard. You seem to be a very strong vampire. A bit on the frail side, but if we could get some _human_ blood in you, you will be good as new. In addition to that, you hold such a high resistance to human blood. Yes, you would be the most useful person in our guard, especially since you can read minds." He was envisioning the days to come with me at his side.

"Aro, I can assure you that I will be of no help to you. Firstly, I _do not_ drink human blood, I just haven't hunted in several weeks. Please understand that I have no intentions to change my diet, especially to work for you. Secondly, you have seen me over the last few months. Without Bella, I am nothing. Please allow me to die."

_Such persistence this boy has…_ "I'm sorry, I simply cannot do that. It's much too wasteful. In time you'll find another mate, and when you do, come back to visit us. Send our regards to Carlisle when you return to him."

I stood from the chair, thanked Aro for his time, and left. I had to find a way to provoke the guard into killing me, but how? As I was walking out, Aro called one of his guard over, and said, "Get another faithful guard member and watch him," just has the door latched.


	15. Decision

DECISION

* * *

I walked into the waiting area and Gianna waved her hand at me, signaling me to wait for a moment. I stood there briefly and waited for her to hang up the phone. "Mhm, yes. I'll tell him. Thank you."

"Mister Aro wanted me to inform you that you shouldn't try anything irresponsible while in the city. He also wanted me to inform you that tomorrow is Saint Marcus day, and to wish you a good life." I nodded as I walked out the door. Life…Could he have thought of a better word? None of us were _alive._

I almost felt remorse for what I was about to do. I knew that Carlisle and the elder members of the Volturi were close and that Carlisle had respect for them, but I would have to go against their wishes this one time. I wanted -no, needed- my existence to be over. I just had to figure out a plan as to how I would end it. 

There were several various options I could choose from, I could choose to go out quietly, or I could cause a large scene. I wasn't sure which one I would go for. I decided to think of the possibilities. I tried to picture the scenes in my head: 

I could attack one of the Volturi guard members. If I am correct, the guard have ties with each other. If I attack one, others will come to his rescue - ensuring my death. It would also cause a problem in the town square. People may lose control and start fighting each other also. That could cause more deaths than just mine.

I could simply walk around and tell people that there really were vampires, and show them all of the traits - and then point out members of the guard. At that point, the guard would have to take all of the witnesses that the information spread to and kill them. That, in turn, would cause a large scandal that the Volturi would have to cover up. It could potentially be very messy and it could cause many problems.

I had to think of a much simpler way to reveal us. I didn't want to cause controversy with the humans. They were innocents. As I was walking around the town that night, I looked up at the clock tower. Four AM. The town would be stirring again soon. I had to make a decision before the sun came up. My eyes fell. What could I do? …Then it hit me. There was the sun, there was the clock tower. All I had to do to reveal the Volturi was walk out in the sun. Simple enough…

…Or I could go hunting in the town. That would be a sure way to reveal what we are. Aro did suggest that I needed _human_ blood in my system, so why not? I know that humans would be affected, but I could find the most terrible, horrible person in the square and take him. I decided to wait until mid-morning to do so. I needed witnesses to be present, at least.

I went under one of the awnings and waited for the sun to rise. I sat down on the old sidewalk and let my last thoughts be only of Bella - I couldn't even think about how painful my death was going to be, or how they would most likely have to wait to burn my ripped-up body until nightfall. I didn't know if I would be conscious for that part…

I allowed Bella to permeate my being. She was the only thing that mattered for the last year of my life - or really the thing that had ever mattered at all. I couldn't believe that she was gone forever. All I could do was hope that wherever I was going, Bella would be also. Unless I was going to hell, like all of the myths said. Was there really a hell, though? If all of the other myths were wrong, maybe that would be incorrect, also. 

Perhaps I would simply cease to exist. Since I had no soul, I wouldn't have to worry about any type of afterlife, and Bella could be happy in heaven. Without me. Could she be happy without me? I thought so at one point in time, but she had jumped off a cliff. A _cliff_. Why did she do so? Could it have been because I had _left? _I couldn't help but think that it was entirely my fault. I knew that if I were human, I would have jumped off a cliff myself in order to be with her.

Oh how I regretted leaving her. I knew that she could have made a new life for herself. I knew that humans couldn't love with the same intensity that vampires could. So why did she even think about jumping? I had no clue. 

Before, I could at least have the comfort of knowing that I could return and check up on her - although I knew I wouldn't because of the risk of breaking the promise I had made.

Regardless, Bella was gone. Love, life, meaning…Gone. 

* * *

I looked up at the clock - it was nine fifty. It was time. I stood up and focused on the minds of the people. They all looked ridiculous, wearing capes and fangs. There were red flags everywhere. I went from group to group, trying to find a person who wasn't worthy to live.

…_I'm so glad we were able to go on vacation…_

_My goodness, I'm going to have to do taxes when I get home…_

_I wonder what's in this store…_

_I wonder if this skirt makes me look fat?_

_Look at these awesome vampire teeth!_

_My new wife is so wonderful…_

_Oh…Won't you look at that…She's nice…All I have to do now is get her into a back alley and…_

I found him. I was almost glad that he spoke English, because I really didn't feel like using Italian. I watched as he walked in my general direction with his eyes on a seemingly attractive human. I started to use the words to lure him toward me, but then something stopped me. 

What would Carlisle think of this? Would he like to know that the last thing his son did was drink the blood of a _human? _Of course, he would forgive me eventually, just as he had before, but could I really disappoint him as my final act?

I decided against killing the man. Instead, I called him over, "Hey, could you help me for a second? I need directions."

"Yeah man, sure." _I just have to keep my eyes on the prize. This kid could use some help, I guess._

I cringed. How could he call this innocent woman his 'prize?' He deserved to die. I settled for threatening him. "I noticed you were eying that woman over there. I just wanted to tell you that if you so much as _touch _her, I will personally tear you limb from limb." I was hoping that he would be able to tell that I was serious from the look on my face.

It seemed to work. "Yes, sir. I'll just…Y'know…Walk this way." He started to walk, then ended up sprinting toward the front gate. Simpleton. 

Since Ihaddecided not to go hunting, I decided to lean toward the most simple thing. I was going to walk into the sunlight, and do so at noon - that was the time that the crowds would be largest.

* * *

At eleven forty five, I slowly walked the perimeter of the square toward the clock tower. The crowds seemed most congested there. It was eleven fifty seven by the time I arrived.

It was almost time. I looked about the crowd around me and saw that they were simply living their own lives. I was about to complicate their existence. Would the Volturi kill all who saw, or play me off as a street performer? How could they convince them of that?

Either way, I was about to die, and there was a possibility of them dying, too. It was too late, though. I had made my decision. I stepped forward, the shadows only a few feet ahead of me. The sun was directly overhead. I unbuttoned my shirt, took it off, and let it fall to the ground. 

I closed my eyes and stood there, waiting on the clock to chime. I paused momentarily to hear the people around me. My mind must have been playing tricks on me, because I swear I saw a picture of Bella going through a fountain. Bella…

I closed my mind off to the people and only thought of Bella. She was the only thing that could give me sanctuary in the last moments of my life. I smiled. I was finally at peace. I was going to die for the one I loved. I stood there with my palms turned upward, and then the clock tolled. I took a large step toward the light, and I swear I heard Bella's voice. It made me smile.

Suddenly, I felt something knock into me. I grabbed it to keep it from falling. I looked down, and I was holding my sweet Bella in my arms. "Amazing, Carlisle was right."

I brushed my hand gently across her warm cheek. It was so soothing. It felt so right. There was no way that I could be separated from her again. It made me feel complete again. Nothing mattered anymore. The danger didn't matter. Right and wrong no longer mattered. I was with her again, and nothing would change that.

I looked into her eyes and said, "I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing-they're very good." I closed my eyes and kissed her hair. I decided to quote _Romeo and Juliet_. "_Death, that hath sucked the honey of they breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty." _I stopped once more to take in her very essence. "You smell just exactly the same as always. So maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care. I'll take it." Hell must be perfection, then. What irony.

"I'm not dead. And neither are you! Please, Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!" How confusing. We were dead, but Bella was refusing to believe that and was worried that we were going to die?

I was very confused. "What was that?"

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-"

Just then, I heard one of the guard think, _That's our cue, Felix. He's trying to take one of the townspeople. We have to go._

I realized at that moment that we were indeed alive, and that I had to protect Bella once again from danger. I took Bella and put her against the brick wall. I readied myself for what was to come.


	16. Danger

DANGER

* * *

_Just then, I heard one of the guard think, That's our cue, Felix. He's trying to take one of the townspeople. We have to go._

_I realized at that moment that we were indeed alive, and that I had to protect Bella once again from danger. I took Bella and put her against the brick wall. I readied myself for what was to come. _

The two Volturi guardsmen were approaching. The one on the right - Felix - said, "Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?"

"I don't believe that will be necessary," I said, making sure that Bella was properly shielded. By the looks of their minds, it didn't seem as if we were going to make it out alive without complying to their wishes. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

The other one looked at Felix. _I'll handle this_. "Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun. Let us seek better cover."

"I'll be right behind you. Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?" I was trying to be civil, if anything, for Bella's sake.

Suddenly, something clicked in Felix's head. He looked over at the other one and nodded toward Bella. _Demetri, this is the girl._ Demetri understood. "No, bring the girl."

I knew that this could end up in Bella's death if Aro were in the same room as her. Not only were they thirsty, as Gianna said yesterday, but the rules called for her death. I had to get her away. "I don't think so." I tensed for a fight. Felix was ready, almost willing to fight.

"No," Bella mouthed. She had no idea what she was getting into.

"Shh," I murmured, trying to quiet her.

"Felix," Demetri warned, "Not here," he said, turning to me, "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."

"Certainly. But the girl goes free."

"I'm afraid that's not possible. We have rules to obey." _And the rules claim her. _

"Then _I'm _afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."

"That's just fine." _…Because now you're mine, boy._

"Aro will be disappointed." _Especially when we have to explain why we had to kill you._

I replied, "I'm sure he'll survive the letdown." At that, Felix and Demetri moved closer. I didn't move. I had to keep Bella safe, even if it _did _cost me my life, after all.

Suddenly, I heard a sound behind me in the alley. I turned to look, and Alice's voice came out of the darkness. "Let's behave ourselves, shall we? There are ladies present." Alice came to my side, and the odds were now equal. Demetri and Felix came out of their crouching positions, and had defeated looks on their faces. Felix didn't look happy especially. Alice had a vision, then. Felix and Demetri had decided to fight us, when a young female approached. She was definitely a vampire, but then she had power over the two.

Alice decided to bide the time by distracting the guardsmen. "We're not alone." Demetri glanced over his shoulder and saw the family that had been standing there, watching our every move. The crowd had just gotten larger because they sensed danger and wanted to tell others about it.

Demetri shook his head, no longer distracted. "Please, Edward, let's be reasonable."

"Let's," I agreed, "And we'll leave quietly now, with none the wiser." I was really hoping that that would work, because I knew that whatever this young vampire had in store, I wouldn't be able to fight it.

Demetri didn't allow it, though. "At least let us discuss this more privately."

And then I saw her. The young-looking female vampire. Felix did, too. My teeth clenched. "No."

Felix smiled. _Saved by Jane._ Demetri immediately started thinking about all of the people that Jane had used her power on. Apparently, she could cause intense physical pain in another's mind without actually hurting them.

"Enough," Jane said in a high-pitched tone.

There was nothing I could do. If I tried to defy her, she would only cause pain within me. I would be helpless. I dropped my arms and stood up straight. "Jane," I greeted. Alice didn't seem very excited, either.

"Follow me," Jane said as she led us down the alleyway. Alice followed immediately, and I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist and followed.

Now that Alice was here, I could find out what occurred in the last few days. I tried to keep the tone of my voice light and conversational. "Well, Alice, I guess I shouldn't be surprised to see you here." Bella had to have been brought here by someone.

"It was my mistake. It was my job to set it right." _I'm sorry, Edward. I know I wasn't supposed to look into her future, but it just happened…_

"What happened?"

"It's a long story. In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days." _Our leaving didn't do any good. In fact, not only has she been 'cliff diving,'- and almost drowning at that, but she has been befriending the newly changed werewolves, and Laurent and Victoria have been chasing her, but don't worry, the wolves killed Laurent-_

"Hm," I said, interrupting Alice's thought. Victoria had been in Forks all along, and Laurent had tried to kill Bella? After the phone call, I was sure that he had changed his ways…Nevertheless, he was dead now, and I was happy for that.

We came up on the end of the alleyway, and there was a hole. Jane and Alice stepped into it, and Bella resisted. I was glad that she didn't clumsily walk down into it, causing herself to break a bone.

Alice came to my rescue, thinking, _You stay back, I wouldn't trust those two with Bella alone. I'll catch her._

I turned and looked at Bella and said, "It's all right, Bella. Alice will catch you."

Bella sat down beside the gap, and swung her legs into the hole. "Alice?" Bella seemed worried.

"I'm right here, Bella," Alice assured. I took Bella's wrists and lowered her into the hole.

"Ready?"

"Drop her," Alice called.

Bella closed her eyes and clamped her mouth shut, presumably so she wouldn't scream, and I let her go. When I heard Alice catch her, I stepped through the hole, and immediately walked to Bella's side, placing my arm around her. We followed Jane through the corridors. I focused only on Bella, reaching across to caress her face or to smell her hair. I really didn't know if this was the last time we would be together.

Bella seemed extremely cold, and I realized that her clothes were wet. How could I have missed that? My body must have been causing her to be frigid. I let go of her so that we were only holding hands, but Bella immediately clasped onto me, saying, "N-n-no." I put my arm around her rubbing my hand up and down her arm, at least trying to create heat by friction.

Bella's slow pace was bothering Felix, as he kept sighing behind us, but I didn't care. My focus was only on Bella - and the direction we were headed. I was wondering if we were being led by a different route to the conference room we had been to earlier. If so, we would be there soon if I had my bearings straight.

As we kept walking, Felix and Demetri were becoming confused as to our position, too. _I thought we were going to the conference room. _

Then Felix had a realization._ It's close to feeding time._

I immediately tensed. As we continued walking, I got more and more worried by the second. Alice looked over at me and saw my dismay. She thought, _It's going to be okay, Edward. If my vision is correct, all you have to do is refuse and we will be free to go home._

That didn't help much.

We ended up getting on an elevator, and we came out in the waiting area. Gianna was working behind the counter. "Good morning, Jane," She said.

"Gianna," Jane replied.

As Felix passed the desk, he winked in Gianna's direction.

She giggled. _And good morning to _you,_ Demetri. He's one of the top ten, also. Speaking of.. It's the Edward Cullen person. Once again, I really hope you become one of the guard. _Disgusting.

As we walked through another set of doors, a similar vampire came over. "Jane."

"Alec," she replied. They kissed each other's cheeks on both sides. Alec looked over at us.

_Impressive._ "They send you out for one and you come back with two…and a half. Nice work. Welcome back, Edward. You seem in a better mood."

"Marginally," I replied. Of course I had Bella back, but we were not in a very good position right now.

_And look at this excuse for a human. She's completely wet, _Alec chuckled. "And _this_ is the cause of all the trouble?

_Y'know, She smells very good._ "Dibs." Felix called.

I turned and snarled at him. He only smiled, and then raised his hand palm up. He curled his fingers twice. It reminded me of something - was it the video game that Emmett had acquired in the nineties when supernintendos were popular? I think it was called Mortal Kombat. At any rate, I was furious.

Alice then touched my arm and said, "Patience." _You don't want to force their hand because you lose your temper. They can't hurt us without permission._ I took a deep breath and turned back to Alec.

"Aro will be pleased to see you again," Alec said.

"Let's not keep him waiting," Jane suggested. They led us through a new door, and I pulled Bella through it. We had arrived in the feeding room. It was like a dungeon. It was probably the turret of the castle.

Aro and some members of the guard were waiting for us.

* * *

**A/N:** Review? What's that? Well, it's the link that you click at the bottom left.

(I'll have my faithful readers ((Yes, you're a faithful reader if you've made it this far)) know that I accidentally put lick instead of click in the previous sentence... That would be awkward ((licking your computer screen)), wouldn't it?)


	17. Close Call

CLOSE CALL

* * *

Everyone turned and looked at us as we entered. Aro approached us, his eyes locked on Jane. "Jane, dear one, you've returned!" He took her face in his hands and kissed her lightly on her lips. He stepped back to wait for her response.

"Yes, Master. I brought him back alive, just as you wished."

"Ah, Jane. You're such a comfort to me." He looked over at us for the first time, realizing that I had not come alone. His demeanor suddenly changed. He started clapping his hands together as he said, "And Alice and Bella, too! This _is_ a happy surprise! Wonderful!" He turned to the guard members behind us, and said, "Felix, be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this."

"Yes, Master." Felix said, as he disappeared to retrieve Marcus and Caius.

"You see, Edward? What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?" 

I tightened my grip around Bella as I said, "Yes, Aro, I am."

"I love a happy ending." I cringed mentally at this - happy ending? Were they really planning on killing us here? "They are so rare. But I want the whole story. How did this happen? Alice? Your brother seemed to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake."

"Oh, I'm far from infallible," Alice said, "As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I can cure them."

"You're too modest," Aro chided, "I've seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!"

_Edward, what is he talking about? Did you have some sort of heart to heart with this guy?_ Apparently Carlisle hadn't told Alice of the powers the Volturi had.

"I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we? It's just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not," Aro said, shaking his head.

"And also exponentially more powerful," I added. I turned to Alice and explained, "Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what's passing through your head in the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind has ever had."

_So he knows about our powers? Our family? Your relationship with Bella?_

I inclined my head, signifying a yes. Aro caught that.

"But to hear from a distance…" Gesturing between Alice and I, "That would be so _convenient_." 

We all turned to see Marcus and Caius enter the room. Aro crooned, "Marcus, Caius, look! Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?"

Neither seemed to care, but Marcus was actually surprised at the power of our relationship. "Let us have the story," Aro sang.

Marcus came and touched Aro's hand. "Thank you, Marcus. That's quite interesting." Aro began shaking his head. "Amazing. Absolutely amazing."

_What's going on now? _Alice huffed through her thoughts.

I turned toward her and whispered, "Marcus sees relationships. He's surprised by the intensity of ours."

_There it goes again. She thinks something, and he replies…_ "So convenient," he muttered-mostly to himself-then added, "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you." Bella looked over at Marcus and nodded. Aro continued, "It's just so difficult to undertand, even now. How can you stand so close to her like that?" _If I were you, I would have taken her on the way to the room._

"It's not without effort." It really _wasn't_ without effort, but surprisingly, it was less effort than I'd ever had to deal with before. The fire in my throat wasn't so harsh.

"But still - _la tua cantante!_ What a waste!"

"I look at it more as a price," I replied.

_What an odd way to put it. _"A very high price."

"Opportunity cost."

Aro laughed. "If I hadn't smelled her through your memories, I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift, and yet you…" _How should I put this?_

"Waste it," I said sarcastically.

Aro laughed again. "Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him- only he was not so angry."

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well."In practically everything other than mind reading.

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put him to shame."

"Hardly," I replied. I was tired of small talk. I wanted to get to the part where we knew if we lived or died.

"I'm gratified by his success. Your memories of him are quite a gift for me, thought they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised by how it…_pleases_ me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen. I expected that he would waste, weaken with time. I'd scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet somehow, I'm happy to be wrong." I didn't say anything. I simply waited for him to continue. 

"But _your_ restraint! I didn't know such strength was possible. To inure yourself against such a siren call, not just once but again and again - if I had not felt it myself, I would not have believed." _I applaud you, sir. _"Just remembering how she appeals to you…It makes me thirsty," Aro giggled.

I tensed, and Alice thought, _Edward! Don't lose focus. I don't see him attacking. Keep calm. Patience._

"Don't be disturbed," Aro said, "I mean her no ham. But I am _so_ curious, about one thing in particular." _I'd really like to see if she is immune to my powers as well._ "May I?" He asked, lifting his hand.

"Ask _her,_" I said.

"Of course! How rude of me! Bella," Aro said, "I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent - so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try -" _Or rather,_ "to see if you are an exception for _me_, as well?"

Bella looked up at me, horrified. I nodded. There was no way that she had a choice in the matter, anyway.

She turned and touched Aro's hand. Nothing happened. Aro was surprised at first, then annoyed. He couldn't believe that he had no affect on Bella. "So very interesting," he said as he released her hand and moved away. "A first," he said, shaking his head. "I wonder if she is immune to our other talents…Jane, dear?"

"No!" I growled. I couldn't subject Bella to that kind of pain. I had never felt it myself, but just in case she wasn't immune, I had to try to prevent it.

Jane ignored me. "Yes master?"

I was snarling at this point, trying to make them understand that I wouldn't allow this. I was glaring at Aro, trying with all of my might to make him stop. Everyone was watching me, but I didn't care. They could tear me apart as long as it protected Bella. Aro also ignored me.

"I was wondering, my dear one, if Bella is immune to _you_."

I let go of Bella and stood in front of her, trying to hide her from Jane's view. Caius got up and moved closer to watch. Jane turned toward us and smiled - a signal that she had started using her power.

Alice saw my next planned move, and cried "Don't!" But it was too late. I had already lunged toward Jane. At that moment, I was on the ground writhing. I had never felt such pain. I didn't scream, though, as I was only trying to focus on becoming mobile again so that I could protect Bella. 

In the faint distance, I could hear Bella shrieking, "Stop!"

I also heard Aro's faint voice recalling Jane. But then I heard his 'voice' say, _And now, Bella._

I tried to move, but I was paralyzed for an instant.

I then heard Alice say, "He's fine." I opened my eyes to see a struggling Bella in Alice's grasp. I sat up and then jumped to my feet. I felt no pain at all. I looked at Jane, who was thinking, _why isn't this working?_ And sighed in relief.

Jane was no longer smiling. She was obviously trying to invoke the full force of her gift on Bella, and nothing happened.

I came over to Alice, who was still holding Bella, and touched her arm. She let go of her. I returned to my original position - with my arm around her waist.

"Ha, ha, ha, this is wonderful!" Aro was seriously amused. Jane, however, was not. Aro tried to comfort her. "Don't be put out, dear one, she confounds us all." _And speaking of confounding,_ "You're very brave, Edward, to endure in silence. I asked Jane to do that to me once- just out of curiosity." _It was the most painful thing I have ever endured. I screamed!_ He sighed, "So what do we do with you now?" _You're alive and you don't need to be._

I immediately started searching people's minds for loopholes - anything that could save us. Felix was like Emmett - He was strong. Alec must have had some type of power similar to Jane's…Most of the people in the room were here for their strength, as they were bodyguards for the family members of the Volturi.

…But Demetri. What was his gift?

"I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind? Your talent would be an excellent addition to our little company."

I was trying to keep all of our lives in tact, so rather than screaming no and ripping him to shreds, I replied with, "I'd…rather…not."

"Alice? Would you perhaps be interested in joining us?" _I can see it now - the present, past, and future, all within reach. _Aro was picturing Alice and I at his right and left.

"No, thank you," Alice replied sweetly. _I have to get home to Jasper. _

Aro then did something unexpected. He turned to Bella and said, "And you, Bella?" _I can see you here as well. Of course, we would have to change you as soon as possible._

I hissed. How could he be volunteering Bella to be part of his guard?

Caius wasn't very happy, either. "What?"

"Caius, surely you see the potential. I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?" _Who knows how powerful her gift will be!_

"No, thank you," Bella mimicked Alice.

Aro sighed, "How unfortunate. Such a waste."

I knew that since we were in the feeding room, if they decided to be rid of Bella, they would throw her in with the others who were coming. I also knew that their law was no hunting within the city walls. Bella was a visitor to the town of Volterra, so I thought that I had found a loophole. Carefully, I said, "Join or die, is that it? I suspected as much when we were brought to _this _room. So much for your laws."

"Of course not," Aro began, "we were already convened here, Edward, awaiting Heidi's return. Not for you."

"Aro," Caius hissed, "The law claims them."

I glared at Caius. "How so?" 

Caius pointed at Bella and said, "She knows too much. You have exposed our secrets."

"There are a few humans in on your charade here, as well," I reminded him, hoping this would save Bella's life as well.

"Yes," he said, "But when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not."

"I wouldn't-" Bella began, but she was silenced by an angry glare from Caius.

"Nor do you intend to make her one of us, therefore, she is a vulnerability. Though it is true, for this, only _her _life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish." I bared my teeth at him. "That's what I thought." Felix leaned forward, thinking, _I can't wait to have you._ I composed myself.

"Unless… Unless you do intend to give her immortality?" That was one of the oddest ways to put it - becoming a monster had transformed into giving someone immortality all of a sudden.

I pursed my lips, thinking that I had considered it _after_ her death. Why couldn't I accept that _now?_ I looked at Aro, hoping that he'd believe the lie. "And if I do?"

"Why, then you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle," Aro said, with an upbeat tone, "But I'm afraid you would have to mean it." No, he didn't believe me. I hadn't taken into account that Aro knew me as well as I knew myself. He would catch the look in my eye or the facial expression and know that I was lying. Aro raised his hand. He would know my every thought, and that I still doubted that I could change her.

I stared at Bella, deliberating, and she said, "Mean it. Please."

Alice, however, had made a decision on my behalf. She stepped forward, and the guard stepped forward, also, in attempt to keep her away. 

And then - Demetri gave away his secret. He had let his sense of smell get to him, and he considered tracking Bella to take her for himself. I also saw that his plan wouldn't work, since he had to get into someone's mind in order to track them. If we could only get out of Volterra, we would be able to hide Bella.

Alice had her hand raised. Aro waved off the guard as they advanced and met her halfway, taking her hand eagerly.

Aro saw Alice's life - at least, after her transformation. There must have been a glitch in her brain from before. It was surprising that Aro couldn't dig into her mind to see, even if Alice couldn't. He looked through her life with Jasper, how she came in contact with Carlisle, and then he saw that she had made a decision to change her. He then saw her vision of Bella as a vampire.

"Ha, ha, ha," Aro laughed as he looked up slowly, "That was _fascinating!_"

Alice smiled. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"To see the things you've seen - especially the ones that haven't happened yet!"

"But that will," she reminded him.

"Yes yes, it's quite determined. Certainly there's no problem."

_What? Is he simply going to let them go? _Caius was irate. "Aro!"

"Dear Caius," Aro said, "Do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household…Besides, I'm so terribly curious to see how Bella turns out!"

I was terribly anxious to get out of this room, especially since Heidi would be returning soon. "Then we are free to go now?"

"Yes, yes," Aro said happily, "But please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling!"

"And we will visit you as well," Caius promised, "To be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances."

…Meaning that I would have to be exceptionally careful when I hide Bella from you. I nodded.

Felix groaned. He was thinking, _I can't have her, but she smells so good!_

Aro came to Bella's rescue, saying, "Ah, Felix. Heidi will be here at any moment. Patience."

"Hmm. In that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later."

"Yes," Aro agreed. "That's a good idea. Accidents _do_ happen. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don't mind."

"Of course," I said.

"And here," Aro said, taking Felix's robe and tossing it to Edward, "Take this. You're a little conspicuous." I looked down at my bare chest and then put the cloak on.

Aro sighed, "It suits you." _Are you sure you won't stay?_

I chuckled, then said, "Thank you, Aro. We'll wait below."

"Goodbye, young friends."

"Let's go," I said, urgently trying to get Bella out. I could hear the thoughts of several people approaching.

"Not fast enough," Alice muttered, referring to her vision that she just had. We wouldn't make it out in time.

Just then, the people came. They were walking towards their death, talking like they were on a tour. I started rushing Bella out the door, but we didn't make it in time. At one point, we were pushed up against the wall because Demetri was making room for the 'new guests.' I pulled Bella's face against my chest, but I had a feeling that she already knew what was about to happen to all of those people. 

When there was a break in the crowd, I started walking at a pace that had Bella running to keep up. We didn't get through the door, though, before all of the people started screaming.

* * *

**A/N:** Oh, and Happy Birthday, myf.13! This post is for you! (If it _is_ your birthday by now.. I'm not sure of the time difference.) And thanks to amose (Decree #1: When speaking of, or speaking to, one must spell _amose_ with a lower case'a') for reading over this sucker!

Review? Yes, please. :)


	18. Flight

FLIGHT

* * *

We went into the reception area, and Demetri told us not to leave before dark. I nodded, and he went away. Gianna looked at me, thinking_, Yes! He_ did_ accept! This is wonderful. Look at that cloak... _Then she audibly sighed.

I inwardly rolled my eyes and looked at Bella. She was shaking. I asked, "Are you alright?"

_Obviously not. She must know what just happened, _Alice chimed, "You better make her sit before she falls. She's going to pieces."

Bella started sobbing outwardly, and Gianna was becoming annoyed. "Shh, Bella, shh." I said.

"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested.

I looked at her frantically, thinking, _How could you even suggest that?_ Alice seemed to know what I was thinking, because she started thinking about Jasper…And the Yiddish language while simultaneously singing "Piano Man" in her head.

I looked back to Bella, who was still shivering, and said, "It's all right, you're safe," over and over, hoping that she would see that we would, in fact, get home. That is, if Alice's recent vision was correct.

"All those people," she finally said.

I whispered, "I know."

"It's so horrible."

"Yes, it is. I wish you hadn't had to see that." Even though she now saw how monstrous my kind really was.

Bells leaned against me, and Gianna seemed to get nervous. _Is this his girl? She's not a vampire. Isn't that against Volturi law? This makes no sense at any rate. _"Is there anything I can get for you?"

"No," I said, extremely annoyed that I had to go through this _again_ through someone else's thoughts. Gianna then nodded, smiled at Bella, and then disappeared.

Bella looked up at me, eyes full of questions, and then said, "Does she know what's going on here?"

"Yes, she knows everything," I responded.

"Does she know they're going to kill her someday?"

"She knows it's a possibility." I said. Bella's eyebrows raised. She was surprised about this, apparently.

"She's hoping they'll decide to keep her."

"She wants to be one of them?"

I nodded once, not saying anything - waiting for Bella's next question and watching her face closely to see her reaction.

"How can she want that? How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of _that?_

Was this Bella's breaking point? Did she no longer want to be with me? I tried not to show many emotions today, but I couldn't help but allow my face to twist in agony with those thoughts. Did Bella truly move on? I decided not to dwell on these things - Bella was here in my arms right now.

"Oh, Edward," She exclaimed.

"What's wrong?" Was I right this time after all?

"Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?"

"I know exactly what you mean," I whispered, "But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're alive."

"Yes. That's a good one," She agreed.

"And together," I breathed, half testing her to see if my previous assumptions were true.

Bella nodded, still not helping my nerves, but at least she didn't say no.

"And with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow."

"Hopefully," Bella said.

Alice came out of her literal la-la land and said, "The outlook is quite good. I'll see Jasper in less than twenty four hours." _I really miss him. It's been so long since we've been separated for such a long time._

Bella and I stared into each other's eyes for a long time. I spent most of this time simply looking at her face. I had it completely memorized - lodged into my memory forever - but it was so much better to actually _see _her again. I never planned on leaving her again. "You look so tired."

"And you look thirsty."

I shrugged. "It's nothing."

"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice…"

"Don't be ridiculous. I've never been in better control of _that_ side of my nature right now." In fact, anything that brought danger to her caused me to cringe internally. I couldn't hurt her - not now, not ever.

I continued staring at Bella's face as Alice and I talked about how we were going to get home. We talked about flight plans - we decided on a flight to Atlanta, then straight to Seattle with a short layover, which airport would get us to Atlanta faster, and what time we were planning on arriving. All the while, I would lean down and kiss Bella on her hair, her forehead, or her nose. We considered playing a quick game of rock - paper - scissors, but then Alice saw that she would win, so we decided against it. At one point in our conversation, though, Alice asked, "What was all that talk about _singers?"_

_La tua cantante,_" I half - sang.

"Yes, that," Alice said.

I shrugged. "They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my _singer-_ because her blood sings for me."

Alice laughed.

We continued our long conversation until Alec entered and said, "You're free to leave now. We ask that you don't linger in the city."

I looked back and answered icily. "That won't be a problem."

Alec smiled, nodded, and walked away. As Gianna was giving us directions out of the castle, she was simultaneously thinking, _I assumed wrongly. I guess that this very handsome fellow will not be staying with us after all._ I helped Bella to her feet and led her out of the room.

When we got outside, there was a throng of people - mostly drunk - that were parading around in their ridiculous vampire regalia. It was… "Ridiculous," I said, finishing out my thought.

Alice looked at me. _I'm going to get a car after I get Bella's bags,_ she thought, and slipped into the crowd of people.

Bella started looking around, finally noticing she was missing. "Where's Alice?" She whispered.

"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning."

"She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?"

I looked at Bella and grinned. She had brightened my world again - even in this short time. "Not till we're outside," I answered.

I led her to the car that I could see Alice in, and opened the back seat door. I slid in beside her - I couldn't be separated from her.

Alice turned to look at me. "I'm sorry. There wasn't much to choose from."

"It's fine, Alice." I looked into her mind, and I could see the yellow Porsche that she drove to Volterra - very nice. "They can't all be 911 Turbos."

"I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous," she beamed.

"I'll get you one for Christmas." It's the least I could do - you saved my life by returning Bella to me.

"Yellow," she said, still beaming.

I looked at Bella, and her eyes looked so heavy. She seemed as if she were about to faint right there. "You can sleep now, Bella. It's over."

"I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired."

Nonsense, she had been nodding off since we left the turret. "Try," I encouraged. Bella only shook her head. I kissed the hollow under her ear and whispered, "You're still just as stubborn."

We made it to the airport and onto the plane - just after I threw away the cloak. We also changed into clean clothes en route. I was in utter bliss. I was reunited with my angel - my tired angel. I was hoping that she would sleep on the plane, but she ordered a Coke when the flight attendant came. "Bella," I said, hoping that she would ask for water instead.

"I don't want to sleep," she assured me, "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I'll have nightmares."

I decided not to argue. In fact, I tried to stay quiet so that Bella would have a chance to fall asleep, but she _was_ just as stubborn as always.

When we finally arrived in Seattle, everyone was waiting. Jasper was standing in the front, his thoughts only on Alice.

Esme and Carlisle emerged from the corner, Esme coming straight to Bella to hug her. She thanked her for bringing me home. She then hugged me, growling, "You will _never_ put me through that again."

"Sorry, Mom," was all I could say.

Carlisle was not far behind Esme. "Thank you, Bella. We owe you."

"Hardly," she said, stumbling into me.

"She's dead on her feet." _How could you let her go this long without sleep, Edward?_ Esme scolded. "Let's get her home."

I led Bella out to the car to see Emmett and Rosalie waiting beside the black sedan. I stiffened at the sight of Rosalie. I almost started yelling at her when Esme said, "Don't. She feels awful."

"She should," I replied.

Bella said, "It's not her fault."

"Let her make amends. We'll ride with Alice and Jasper."

_Edward, give her a chance, _Carlisle's 'voice' said.

"Please, Edward," Bella begged. It was then that I listened to her. I sighed and walked toward the car. Rosalie's 'voice' rang in my ears.

"Edward," Rosalie began, _I know that I jumped to conclusions, but Alice saw it, and I thought that was what was best and-_

"I know." I muttered.

"Bella?" Rosalie said.

Bella's eyes opened widely. It was as if she was shaken awake by someone. "Yes, Rosalie?"

"I'm so very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me."

"Of course, Rosalie," she said, "It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Of course I'll forgive you."

"It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose," Emmett laughed.

"I'm conscious," Bella sighed.

"Let her sleep," I said. It was easier to forgive Rosalie after I had heard the apology to Bella. It took a lot for her to swallow her pride for even a fraction of a moment.

Bella fell asleep, and I went through all of the horrible things that had happened in the last three days. I had put Bella in danger _again_, but sadly, it didn't matter much to me anymore. As long as we were together and made it out alive, I didn't care what happened.

I wanted to spend the rest of Bella's life with her. I decided that I would propose as soon as possible.

When we arrived at Bella's house, Charlie opened the door and bounded down the driveway. "Bella!" He shouted. _What the hell is he doing here? Alice said he wouldn't be back…_

"Charlie," she mumbled.

"Shh," I whispered to her, "It's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep."

_What is he whispering to her? _"I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here," Charlie yelled.

"Stop it, Dad," Bella groaned.

"What's wrong with her?" Charlie said.

"She's just very tired, Charlie. Please let her rest."

_The hell I will. As soon as you get off of my property! _"Don't tell me what to do! Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"

I tried to pass Bella to her father, but she had clasped her fingers to my shirt. Charlie was yanking on her arm, and she said, "Cut it out, Dad. Be mad at _me."_

"You bet I will be. Get inside." _Now._

"'Kay. Let me down," she sighed, happy that it seemed as if Charlie would no longer be mad _me_. I set her down on her feet, and she immediately started to fall. I caught her just before she hit the concrete.

"Just let me get her upstairs. Then I'll leave."

_Fine._ Charlie began to speak, but that was all the answer I needed.

I scooped her up in to my arms and started walking. Bella started panicking, repeatedly saying, "No."

"I won't be far," I whispered into her ear quietly. I went and put Bella on her bed, and she was unconscious just after I pried her fingers from my shirt.

* * *

**A/N:** Sadly, due to school starting again and homework, I will not be making chapter updates so often, but I promise you, faithful FanFiction readers, that I WILL finish this story! I'm too close to being finished to leave you all hanging!

I hope that you've enjoyed it so far. Happy late Easter, everyone. :) By the way, I've created a poll. It seems as if people have been leaving me reviews and PMs and people are thinking, 'Wow, I don't even know your name.' I decided to make it fun and see if people can guess my name. Up for the challenge? (By the way x2, I assure you it's not Umbrella.)


	19. Explanation

EXPLANATION

* * *

When Bella was safe in her bed, Charlie pulled me aside and told me that I was to leave and never return. His message was clear and he made sure of it. Of course, I didn't listen.

I touched Bella's forehead lightly, and she closed her eyes even more than they were. I was directly in front of her, waiting for her beautiful, rested eyes to finally open. When she did open her eyes, though, they widened and immediately shut. Simultaneously, her arms flew up in front of her face and she said, "Oh!"

Almost as quickly as she put her arms up, she lowered them again and her heart rate went down. She looked at me again. I asked, "Did I frighten you?"

Bella looked at me with a puzzled expression, and I waited for her response. Finally, a look of realization came to her face, and she said, "Oh, crap

I looked at her with my own puzzled expression. "What's wrong, Bella?" I was suddenly anxious to hear what she was going to say.

"I'm dead, right?" Ah, she thought she was in hell. "I _did_ drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie."

I looked at her, frowning, and said, "You're not dead."

"Then why am I not waking up?" Great, she thought that I didn't come back after all. She didn't believe that I would ever return. She really must not have realized that I still loved her.

"You _are_ awake, Bella."

"Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. _If _I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake…" Jake? Jake was now included in the list of important people in her life. What did this mean? Did she move on after all, as I had intended? I decided to play along with her charade instead of thinking of such things.

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare. But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit any murders while I was away?"

She grimaced. "Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

I sighed. How could she say that? If I _did_ have a soul, and if I _were _dead, my soul would be in hell.

Bella seemed to be thinking about something - coming to some realization - then she said, "Did all of that really happen, then?"

I looked at her, still hoping that she wasn't in some type of delusional state while also hoping that she hadn't gone into shock - resulting in some sort of amnesia - and responded, "That depends. If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yes."

Bella looked at me. I couldn't decipher the look on her face, but then she responded, "How strange. I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?"

I rolled my eyes. Bella could be so silly sometimes. I decided to try to force her back into her slumber. "Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent."

Bella looked back at me and said, "I'm not tired anymore. What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?"

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours."

"Charlie?"

"Sleeping," I said, remembering the lecture I received just after she fell asleep, "You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window…But, still, the intent was clear."

"Charlie banned you from the house?"

"Did you expect anything else?" If I were her father, I would have done the same.

Bella seemed annoyed, but changed the subject. "So, what's the story?"

"What do you mean?"

"What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for…how long was I gone, anyway?"

"Just three days," I said, just realizing that I had no clue what she could say. I was hoping that everything would straighten _itself _out, but I just realized that it couldn't happen that way with humans. "Actually, I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing."

Bella groaned. "Fabulous."

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," I said, hoping that Bella would see Alice before Charlie demanded an explanation. However unlikely that may have been.

"So, What have you been doing, up until three days ago?"

I looked at Bella warily - I was hoping that _this _question would come up much later, if anything - and I said, "Nothing terribly exciting."

Bella's face turned into a grimace. "Of course not."

"Why are you making that face?"

"Well…If you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up."

I sighed. Might as well tell her part of the truth, if anything. "If I tell you, will you finally believe you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare!" She repeated. "Maybe…If you tell me."

"I was," How did I put this? "…hunting."

Bella grimaced again. "Is that the best you can do? That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

"I wasn't hunting for food…I was actually trying my hand at…tracking. I'm not very good at it."

"What were you tracking?"

"Nothing of consequence." Just your new stalker.

"I don't understand." Of course you didn't, I thought.

With much internal deliberation, I finally decided to tell her everything. "I-" I changed my mind. I took a deep breath and took a different route. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria," that wretched, wretched, excuse for a vampire, "…would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now - she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him - that kept me from seeing the depth of the, the bond there." I realized that I had started speaking a bit rapidly, but I decided to keep on. If I didn't say it now, I wouldn't say it.

"Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told Alice - what she saw herself - when I realized that you had put your life in the hands of _werewolves_, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself… Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for-"

It was then that Bella interrupted me. "Stop," She said. After a deep breath, she began. "Edward, This has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this…this _guilt_…rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life _is_ for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and _not your fault_. I know it's your…your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible- think of Esme and Carlisle and-"

Now it was my turn to interrupt. "Isabella Marie Swan, do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me _because I felt guilty?_

Bella didn't seem to understand. She shook her head and said, "Didn't you?"

"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."

"Then…what are you saying? I don't understand."

"Bella, I went to the Volturi becaue I thought you were dead. Even if I'd had no hand in your death, even if it _weren't_ my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful- I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds? The odds…" I muttered. I was taken back to the day that Bella and I watched Romeo and Juliet. What a connection. Had I not said that I didn't like Romeo earlier? "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again."

"But I still don't understand. That's my whole point. So what?"

What? "Excuse me?" I said.

"So what if I _were_ dead?"

I looked at her for a long moment. Had she forgotten? "Don't you remember anything I told you before?"

"I remember _everything_ that you told me." The look on her face told me that she was only thinking about the day in the forest - the day that I told her I didn't love her.

I touched her lower lip, wanting to kiss her, but holding myself from it because I had to make her understand first. "Bell, you seem to be under a misapprehension. I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

"I am…confused."

I looked deeply into her eyes, beckoning her to understand what I was trying to say. "I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be."

Bella froze. She took it wrongly. Did she really believe that I was talking about all the months before I left? How could she? Then she gasped.

I tried to make her understand. I felt as if I were digging a hole. "Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly. That was…excruciating." Bella still sat there - frozen. "When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye-" She didn't say anything, so I continued. "You weren't going to let go. I could see that. I didn't want to do it- it felt like it would kill me to do it, but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought _I'd_ moved on, so would you."

"A clean break," Bella whispered.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible - that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry - sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry." I paused, waiting for her to reply, but she still seemed frozen. I once again continued my rant.

"But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me? I could see it in our eyes, that you honestly _believed_ that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept - as if there were any way that _I _could exist without needing _you!" _By this time, I was unsure if Bella had become catatonic, so I shook her shoulder again. "Bella, really, what were you thinking?"

Bella started crying. "I knew it, I _knew_ I was dreaming."

So she didn't believe me.

"You're impossible. How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I _have_ always loved you, and I _will_ always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

Bella shook her head, still crying."You don't believe me, do you?" I whispered. How could my Bella, my star, my reason for being, not believe me? "Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"

"It never made sense for you to love me. I always knew that."

I looked at her, determined to find some way to make her believe that she was awake. I looked at her quivering lips again, and decided to kiss her. "I'll prove you're awake." I took her face between my hands, and leaned forward.

I was about to touch her lips with mine when I heard her whisper, "Please don't."

I stopped abruptly, and said, "Why not?"

"When I wake up-okay, forget that one-when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

I looked at her incredulously. It all made sense now - but I wanted clarification. "Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so…hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because if you _have_ moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be…" unbearable, terrible, horrible, but - "…quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please - just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?"

She looked at me incredulously now. "What kind of an idiotic question is that?"

"Just answer it. Please."

Bella pouted, then her face turned darkly to me. "The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you - and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"That's all I needed to hear." With that, I kissed her. It was the most heavenly thing that I had experienced in months. Surprisingly, I did not have to use nearly as much effort as I had to earlier. Bella's blood was still just as appealing, but I had no real compulsion to kill her. At least, not as much as before.

After we had finished, I casually said, "By the way, I'm not leaving you," then added, "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you. I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you - keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking you life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do _something_, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only _you_ could be more important than what I wanted…what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay - thank heaven for that! It seems you _can't_ be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

"Don't promise me anything."

I was surprised. Could Bella _still_ be unconvinced? "You think I'm lying to you now?"

"No - not lying. You could mean it…now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

I flinched - outwardly and inwardly - all the memories of the last seven months came back to me. It was horrible.

Bella went on. "It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it? You'll end up doing what you think is right."

I thought about it briefly, and said, "I'm not as strong as you give me credit for. Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time - and not much of it - before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that." I was willing to do anything to have my Bella completely back.

Bella grimaced, "Be serious, please."

"Oh, I am," I glared at her. I had been going at this for quite a while, and she was having _far_ too much trouble believing me. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?" As if I hadn't been doing that already.

I watched Bella's face, waiting until I had her full attention. I finally began. "Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason." Until you became my star… "And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no reason for anything."

"Your eyes will adjust."

They didn't for seven months - how could she expect them to when _I _had no hope for it? She was being absurd. "That's just the problem - they can't."

"What about your distractions?"

I explained to her that tracking was not even a distraction at all - how I would give in to the horrible feelings I had knowing that she was gone. To my surprise, it was much the same for her.

"So, tracking wasn't a distraction, then?"

"No," I sighed. I didn't want to tell her this, but here it went… "That was never a distraction. It was an obligation."

"What does that mean?"

I then explained about Victoria, and how I had completely missed where she was since I had followed a false lead to Brazil. Bella wasn't happy with my plans of killing Victoria, but she convinced me not to leave again, at least. I made plans, though, to find her one day and kill her.

"Let's not be hasty. Maybe she's not coming back. Jake probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria."

I thought about what on earth she could be talking about, but then I realized that she _did_ have bigger problems very close to home. "It's true. The werewolves are a problem."

Bella laughed. "I wasn't talking about _Jacob_. My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent werewolves getting themselves into trouble."

I almost started to tell her how the werewolves were, in fact, dangerous, but I decided to let my curiosity get the best of me. "Really? Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?" I had no clue.

"How about second greatest?"

"All right." I eyed her warily.

"There are others who are coming to look for me."

"The Volturi are only the _second_ greatest?"

"You don't seem that upset about it."

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something very different to them than it does to you, of even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again," I added lightly.

Bella's eyes widened. She seemed terrified of something.

I tried to ease her fears. "You don't have to be afraid. I won't let them hurt you."

"While you're here."

I took my face between my hands again, trying desperately to make her understand. "I will never leave you again."

"But you said _thirty_. What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

She actually still thought I was going to leave her. How absurd. I looked at her with sad eyes. "That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

"Is this really…" Bella paused.

I was too anxious to know what she was about to say. In my impatience, I said, "Yes?"

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your _grandmother_?" She flinched.

I kissed every tear on her cheek. "That doesn't mean anything to me," I breathed, taking in her aroma once more, and letting it permeate my being once again, "You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course…If you outgrew _me_ - if you wanted something more - I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me." However, I would wait on the side, waiting for him to mess up, and then I would take you back if you would have me.

She finally said, "You do realize I'll die eventually, right?"

"I'll follow after as soon as I can."

Bella looked at me and said, "That is seriously…sick."

"Bella, it's the only right way left -" I was hoping that she wouldn't remember that I had _just _said that right and wrong meant nothing to me…

"Let's just back up for a minute," Oh man, she remembered. "You do remember the Volturi, right?" Or not. "I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm _thirty_, do you really think they'll forget?"

"No, they won't forget, but…"

"But?"

I grinned. "I have a few plans."

"And these plans - these plans center around me staying _human_

How could she want to be a monster, after all that she had seen? I couldn't believe her logic. I responded almost acidly. "Naturally."

Bella took a deep breath and pushed my arms off. I didn't know what she wanted. My best guess was that she was about to kick me out. I decided to suggest it myself before I had to hear it come out of her mouth. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, _I'm _leaving."

At two in the morning? "May I ask where you're going?"

"I'm going to your house."

I walked over and grabbed her shoes. After I offered them to her, I inquired as to how she planned on getting there.

"My truck," she responded.

"That will probably wake Charlie."

Bella sighed, "I know. But honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

"None. He'll blame me, not you." Well, really, she would be grounded, but she would soon be in Charlie's good graces again. I, however, assumed that Charlie would never like me again.

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here," I said. I hoped that she would go back to sleep. I didn't want her pattern to get off.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home."

As she started to walk out the door, I blocked her. She then turned to the window, and I decided that it was too ridiculous to fight her. "Okay, I'll give you a ride."

Bella shrugged. "Either way. But you probably _should_ be there, too."

I was so confused. "And why is that?"

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views."

"My views on which subject?" I hedged.

"This isn't about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know. If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say."

I couldn't believe my ears. "A. Say. In. What?"

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."

This was going to be interesting.

* * *

**A/N:** I couldn't bring myself to break up this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget to check out my poll, please. I would really like to know your opinion. I figure I'll close the poll two days after I finish the epilogue, but don't wait to vote!

* * *


	20. Vote

VOTE

* * *

Stubborn, stubborn, stubborn.

I really wished I weren't taking Bella to my house right now, but there was nothing I could do. I had helped her onto my back, and now we were running through the damp streets of Forks. I was thinking of the possible reactions of my family when I felt Bella's lips against my neck. "Thank you," I said, "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"

Bella laughed - something I couldn't hear enough. I had missed that laugh so much. "Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

That wasn't really what I had wanted to hear. "I'll earn your trust back somehow. If it's my final act," I muttered.

"I trust you, It's me I don't trust."

What on earth did that mean? I slowed to a walk as we arrived in the clearing. I asked her to explain it to me.

"Well, I don't trust myself to be…enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could _hold_ you."

I'd had enough. I took her off of my back and embraced her with as much pressure I could place on her frail body. "Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," you silly girl, "Never doubt that."

My mind drifted back to a few minutes ago, in her bedroom, when she was talking about her problems. "You never did tell me…"

"What?"

"…What your greatest problem is."

Bella looked up at me with an impish grin. She said, "I'll give you one guess," as she reached up to touch the tip of my nose.

Ouch, I thought. "I'm worse than the Volturi. I guess I've earned that." After all I've put you through, I've earned much, much more.

Bella rolled her eyes and said, "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me." I looked at her, confused. Isn't that the worst thing anyone could do? She continued, "You can leave me. The Volturi, Victoria…they're nothing compared to that."

How could she still be thinking I would leave her. All of the feelings that had overtaken me while she was gone returned. Although she was here and they weren't as fierce, they still hurt. They welled up within me, and I doubt my face hid it. Bella looked at me, concerned.

"Don't…Don't be sad."

I looked at her, trying once more to make her understand. "If there was only some way to make you see that I _can't_ leave you." Of course, she was human. She couldn't understand everything so quickly. "Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."

Bella smiled - what was she thinking? - and said, "Okay."

As I stood there, I thought of different ways to possibly convince her that I wasn't leaving, but nothing came to mind. She looked over to me again and said, "So - since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?"

In spite of the agony, I laughed. "Your things were never gone," I told her. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets - they're all under your floorboards."

Bella looked at me incredulously. "_Really?"_ She smiled, then.

I nodded. Her smile made me smile, too. She brought joy into my life - but how could I make her see that I really did love her?

Bella interrupted my thoughts with, "I think - I'm not sure, but I wonder… I think maybe I knew it the whole time."

My mind had drifted so far from the subject that I had forgotten what Bella could have possibly been talking about. "What did you know?"

"Some part of me, my subconscious, maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

Voices? What on earth? I decided to verbalize part of my thoughts. "Voices?"

"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story."

Of course there was an explanation for this. She couldn't have been driven crazy while I was away. "I've got time," I said.

"It's pretty pathetic," she said, pausing to see if I said anything, but I wanted to hear a full explanation. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"

I thought back to what Alice had thought, and I remembered her thinking about Bella saying that she had… "You jumped off a cliff for fun," I verbalized.

"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle-"

"Motorcycle?" Alice didn't tell me about _that_. We were going to have a talk later…

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that."

Ah. "No."

"Well, about that…See, I found that…when I was doing something dangerous or stupid…I could remember you more clearly. I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much - like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt. And well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me." Bella's face looked like she was calculating something.

I, too, was calculating. "You…were…risking your life…to hear-"

"Shh. Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

I waited, and watched as her face seemed to have a look of understanding - as if a light bulb had lit directly above her head.

"Oh!"

"Bella?"

"Oh. Okay. I see."

"Your epiphany?" This could be horrifying, but the look on her face tells me otherwise…

"You love me," she said, her own love coming out with those words.

I smiled. Finally, she understood. I hoped it stayed that way. "Truly, I do." I took her face between my hands and kissed her again. When Bella seemed as if she were about to faint, I let go of the kiss. I leaned my forehead against hers, and said, breathing heavily, "You were better at it than I was, you know."

Bella's dazed gaze transformed into a puzzled stare. "Better at what?"

"Surviving." I described the way I had acted when I wasn't tracking. I added, "It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too." Her eyes widened, then she sighed a sigh of relief.

"I only heard one voice," she corrected.

I laughed and then started to lead her toward the house. As if she had a choice, really. No matter what they said, Bella was _not_ changing. "I'm just humoring you with this. It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

Bella looked at me and said, "This affects them now, too." I really didn't care. I was staying with her, and she was staying human. I shrugged.

We entered the house, and I said, "Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?"

_What is it Edward? -Oh, Bella._ "Welcome back, Bella." _We've missed your presence in our home. _Carlisle smiled and continued,"What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"

Bella nodded. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important."

"Of course. Why don't we talk in the other room?" Carlisle inquired. _What is this all about, Edward?_ I didn't respond.

We walked into the dining room and sat at the table. Bella was at the head. Esme and the others came in and took seats beside their respective partners. I suddenly felt happy that I now had Bella by my side again, discarding the memory I had only months before when we all sat down to talk together last time.

Carlisle looked over at Bella once everyone was situated. "The floor is yours."

"Well, I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything," Alice reassured. _And Edward, I'm glad you're finally warming up to this._ I shot her a warning look.

Bella didn't notice. "And on the way?"

"That, too," she nodded.

"Good," Bella said, obviously happy that she didn't have to retell the entire story. "Then we're all on the same page." She paused and looked around the table. "So, I have a problem. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing - something to avoid. And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that. But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

An outpour of thoughts bombarded me. They all wanted her to be a part of the family, however, for once, Rosalie was on my side - wanting her to remain human, at least. Esme began to voice her opinion, but Bella stopped her. "Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then…I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have them coming _here_

Everyone's thoughts were of changing Bella and how wonderful it sounded to them. I released a low growl of warning. They weren't affected. Bella continued, "Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes ofr no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."

Bella looked over to Carlisle to ask him to begin the vote. I had to put my thoughts out there, at least. "Just a minute," I said. Bella began glaring at me, but I raised my eyebrows, squeezed her hand, and began. "I have to add something before we vote. About the danger Bella's referring to - I don't think we need to be overly anxious." It was now my turn to pause and look around at the table. Everyone's thoughts were relatively calm still, but curious. "You see, there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end." Other than not wanting to change Bella.

"There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in."

_I didn't see anything._ "Which was?" Alice prodded, curious.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's really not a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I looked at Bella. She shuddered, and I took that as a yes.

"He finds people - that's his talent, why they keep him. The whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker - a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability was loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the…flavor? I don't know how to describe it…the tenor…of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances. But after Aro's experiments, well…"

"You think they won't be able to find me," Bella said.

Not only that. "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

_Genius, pure genius. _Emmett thought.

"And how does that solve anything?" Bella asked.

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless. It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!"

Emmet was applauding me in his mind. I nodded to him.

Bella looked at me, still commenting flatly, "But they can find you."

"And I can take care of myself." I have before, I can do it again. Even if they did kill me, at least you would be safe.

Emmett laughed and reached across his table toward me, extending his fist. "Excellent plan, my brother," he said. I extended my fist and hit it against Emmett's.

"No," Rosalie hissed, _I won't have my husband fighting the Volturi with you._

"Absolutely not," Bella said.

"Nice." _I like a good fight, _Jasper thought.

"Idiots." Alice muttered, _You wouldn't last a second against them._

Esme looked at me, not saying a word, and said, _If you're all dead, what are we supposed to do? Sit here? I'm not going to allow that._

Bella sat up straight and took charge of the meeting again. "All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let's vote."

Bella looked at me and said, "Do you want me to join your family?"

I replied with the first thing that came to mind. "Not that way. You're staying human."

Bella moved on. "Alice?"

"Yes." _You'll always be my sister, and now you'll be less breakable!_

"Jasper?"

"Yes." _Sorry, Edward. I can hardly sit in the same room as her. I'd really like to be able to spend time with her without fighting my instinct to kill her._

"Rosalie?"

_I really wish that someone would have been there to vote for me. I will try to do what is right, at least. _"No." Bella turned toward Emmett, and Rosalie thought, _She doesn't understand._ "Let me explain. I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that…this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."

Bella turned to Emmett once again.

"Hell, yes! We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri." _And plus, I'd like to arm wrestle her._

Bella looked over to Esme.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of the family."

When Bella looked at Carlisle, Carlisle wasn't looking at her - he was looking at me. _It's what's right, Edward. I have to vote yes. _I was enraged. "Edward," he said.

This couldn't be happening. If Carlisle said it, it was practically law. "No."

"It's the only way that makes sense. You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice." Carlisle insisted.

I let go of Bella's hand and walked briskly into the living room. I could hear Carlisle in the dining room telling Bella, "I guess you know my vote."

"Thanks," she mumbled.

I went to the wall and ripped Emmett's new flat screen TV in halves. They had just shipped it in from Korea.

I sat on the couch. I tried to calm myself. Could this really be happening? Had I no control over the say in her soul? Was it already too late to save her from becoming a monster? I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard Bella say, "Well, Alice, where do you want to do this?"

I stalked back into the dining room, shouting "No! _No! _NO!" I lost it. The next thing I knew, I was leaning in front of Bella's face shouting. "Are you insane? Have you utterly lost your mind?" She had no idea what she was doing.

_He has _got _to calm down. _"Um, Bella, I don't think I'm _ready _for that. I'll need to prepare…"

"You promised," Bella reminded.

"I know, but…Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how _not_ to kill you."

"You can do it. I trust you."

I snarled at Alice. I would almost kill her before she changed Bella, or at least tried to.

Bella looked at Carlisle. "Carlisle?" I knew that if Carlisle agreed, it would be set in stone. I tried something, anything to get her to change her mind. I grabbed her face trying to make her see how I was feeling, at least through my eyes, but she was focused. I held my hand out to Carlisle, but he ignored me.

"I'm able to do it," he said. _Edward, it's for the best._

"Sounds good," Bella said.

"Hold on. It doesn't have to be now," I said between my teeth. This was all so surreal.

"There's no reason for it not to be now," she said.

"I can think of a few."

"Of course you can. Now let go of me." I respected her wishes.

"In about two hours, Charlie will be looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

"All three of them," Bella hedged.

_Edward, it worked with Rosalie. We would have to move anyway, what with Bella being a newborn vampire…_

I looked at Carlisle and said, "In the interest of remaining _inconspicuous,_ I suggest we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle agreed. Finally.

Bella looked unhappy. "I'll consider it." I relaxed. It seemed as if the worst was over, at least.

I looked at Bella and decided that I needed to get her home before she came up with any more ideas. "I should probably take you home, just in case Charlie wakes up early."

Bella looked over to Carlisle. "After graduation?"

"You have my word," Carlisle promised.

Bella looked over at me and smiled. "Okay. You can take me home."


	21. Proposal

PROPOSAL

* * *

I rushed Bella out of the house and ran to Bella's house - all the time trying to find a way to postpone the change. I was pacing back and forth across Bella's room while Bella sat on her bed watching me.

I had decided that if I could convince her to go to college for a few years, she would at least have that experience. Above all else, it would buy me a few years to change her mind. I knew that she wouldn't be able to last that long, though. …Possibly a time span?

Bella said, "Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work."

"Shh, I'm thinking."

Bella groaned and then covered her face with her quilt. I rushed to the bed and pulled the cover back so that I could see her. "If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now…tell me something."

"What?" She asked.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

Maybe I would wage this thing with more time.

She looked up at me skeptically. "You."

I shook my head at her. She wasn't thinking correctly. "Not something you don't already have."

She looked away for a moment, and then said, "I would want…Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want _you_ to change me."

"What would you be willing to trade for that?" Time, perhaps?

"Anything."

I smiled. "Five years?"

Bella's heart started racing and she looked terrified. "You said anything," I reminded her.

"Yes, but...you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human - for me, at least. So, anything but _that._"

I tried for a shorter time period. "Three years?"

"No!"

"Isn't it worth anything to you at all?"

"Six months?"

Wow, she was impatient. "Not good enough."

"One year, then. That's my limit."

I was growing tired of bartering her soul, but I persisted. "At least give me two."

"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere _near_ twenty. IF you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I." That _did _sound reasonable, technically, but what was a few small years? I would be with her forever anyway - she was my mate, after all. …But she may not have viewed it that way. I would need to marry her, soon. Why not suggest it?

"All right, Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one - then you'll just have to meet one condition."

"Condition? What condition?"

I looked at her. This was it - the defining moment. I spoke slowly. "Marry me first."

Bella stared at me. "Okay. What's the punch line?"

I sighed. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."

"Edward, please be serious."

"I am one hundred percent serious." …So much for defining moment.

"Oh, c'mon. I'm eighteen. Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort the kiss of death for Renee and Charlie."

Ironic. "Interesting choice of words."

Bella sighed. "You know what I mean."

I inhaled her scent - it calmed my nerves. "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment." If she were planning to spend the rest of her life with me, what was marriage to her?

"That's not it exactly. I'm…afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."

"Because she'd rather you become one of the eternal damned than get married." The irony was definitely building.

"You think you're joking."

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire… If you're not brave enough to marry me, then -"

Bella interrupted. "Well, what if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"

I smiled and decided to call her bluff. "Sure. I'll get my car."

"Dammit," she muttered. "I'll give you eighteen months."

"No deal. I like this condition," I said, grinning.

"Fine. I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate," Bella pouted.

"If that's what you _really _want." I made my smile as angelic as possible.

"You're impossible. A monster."

Of course. I chuckled, "Is that why you won't marry me?" I really didn't want to beg, but I decided to, anyway. I think I may have wanted this more than she wanted to be a vampire. "_Please_, Bella?" Bella shook her head. I thought for a moment, then said, "Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?"

"No! No rings!" Bella said - too loudly.

_Huh, what?_ Charlie started. He got out of bed.

"Now you've done it," I whispered.

"Oops."

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave." Bella's heart started racing and her breathing quickened. I hated to see her like this. "Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?"

"No," she said to my delight. "Stay, please."

I smiled and hid in her closet.

Charlie entered the room and threatened to send Bella to Renee. She refused. When Charlie asked her where she went, Bella only gave a satisfactory explanation, revealing to Charlie that she went cliff diving. When Charlie said that she wasn't to see me, Bella threatened to move out. She also convinced Charlie to allow me into his house, to his complete dismay. This was going to be an interesting marriage - for at least a few months.

When Charlie left, I sat in Bella's rocking chair.

She whispered, "Sorry about that."

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse. Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please," I murmured.

"Don't worry about it," she said as she grabbed her toiletries, "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me that I have nowhere to go?"

I smiled inwardly at her sarcastic face. "You'd move in with a house full of vampires?"

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me." The irony had to continue. "Besides, if Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

I looked at her, bewildered. "So eager for eternal damnation," I muttered.

"You know you don't believe that."

"Oh, don't I?"

"No. You don't."

I started to argue, but Bella cut me off. "If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't - you said, '_Amazing, Carlisle was right_.' There's hope in you after all." She smiled triumphantly.

She was right. I couldn't refute it. I couldn't say a word.

"So let's both just be hopeful, all right? Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."

I couldn't believe that it was even a possibility that she would want to be with me for so long. Once she was changed, it was final. And she was willing to do that for me. I felt so loved. I walked over to her slowly, put both hands on her cheeks and stared into her eyes. "Forever," I said - and I meant it.

"That's all I'm asking for," she replied, and I knew she meant it, too. She lifted up on her toes and kissed me. Nothing mattered at that point. I didn't need a heaven or hell - my angel was right here.


	22. Epilogue

EPILOGUE - TREATY

* * *

Everything quickly went back to the way it was - Carlisle got his job back. Esme went to cleaning. Alice went to fawning over Jasper and using Bella as her guinea pig. Emmett was…himself. Rosalie went back to ignoring Bella - while also trying to be nice.

I was able to be with my angel.

Her grades had been slipping and, to my dismay, she hadn't applied for college. It required me to pull some strings, but I was able to get some deadlines extended with monetary help.

Bella had been grounded - she wasn't able to leave the house. I was always sent out at nine, only to return after Charlie went to sleep.

Bella had been worrying about Jacob. I had learned that when she had a certain look on her face, she was thinking about him, although she rarely vocalized her thoughts on that subject. One day, when I was picking her up for work, she started venting.

"It's just plain rude! Downright insulting! Billy said he didn't want to talk to me…That he was there, and wouldn't walk three steps to get to the phone! Usually Billy just says he's out or busy or sleeping or something. I mean, it's not like I didn't know he was lying to me, but at least it was a polite way to handle it. I guess Billy hates me now, too. It's not fair!"

I didn't like to see her like this. As always, my presence was causing her grief. "It's not you, Bella. Nobody hates _you_

"Feels that way."

"Jacob knows we're back, and I'm sure that he's ascertained that I'm with you. He won't come anywhere near me. The enmity is rooted too deeply.

Bella looked up at me with an angry glare - not at me, but to the Blacks. "That's stupid. He knows you're not…like other vampires."

I looked back at her, trying to calm her while telling the truth. "There's still good reason to keep a safe distance." I wouldn't want a fight starting, especially with Bella present. "Bella, we are what we are. I can control myself, but I doubt he can. He's very young. It would most likely turn into a fight, and I don't know if I could stop it before I k-" That was too strong of a word for her… "Before I hurt him. You would be unhappy. I don't want that to happen."

"Edward Cullen," Bella whispered. "Were you about to say, '_killed_ him?" Were you?"

I looked away from her, staring into the rain. I didn't want to make her unhappy for the rest of eternity because I slandered - or worse - killed her _best friend._ "I would try…very hard…not to do that." So that it wouldn't cause me to loose you. I continued to look straight ahead, avoiding her glare.

"Well, nothing like that is ever going to happen, so there's no reason to worry about it. And you know Charlie's staring at the clock right now. You'd better get me home before I get in more trouble for being late." She turned to me and smiled, but then when she saw the look on my face, her heart started beating.

As she was saying that, I heard something. It was Charlie's 'voice.' Jake had made contact with her, all right. He had left her motorcycle at her house, saying that he was returning it, and Charlie was fuming. By the smell, I could tell that the dog was still here.

"What, what is it?" Bella asked, terrified.

I took a deep breath. "Charlie…"

"My dad?" She shrieked.

I looked down at her, trying to calm her nerves. "Charlie…is probably _not_ going to kill you , but he's thinking about it."

I could now hear Jacob's thoughts in the woods, so I pulled forward and parked near the trees across from her house.

"What did I do?"

I nodded toward the motorcycle in the driveway. Bella saw it, and everything clicked.

_No_! Why? Why would Jacob do this to me?" Her eyes started filling with tears, then they were full of rage. "Is he still here?"

I considered sending Bella inside, but she wanted to see him. I would take her into the woods with me to see him. "Yes, he's waiting for us there." I nodded toward the forest.

Bella jumped out of the car, trying for some reason to go take out her rage on Jake, but I went behind her and grabbed her by the waist, stopping her.

"Let me go! I'm going to murder him! _Traitor_!" Bella was being overly reactive, but she had reason. Charlie was furious.

"Charlie will hear you. And once he gets you inside, he may brick over the doorway," I warned.

Bella looked back at the bikes again, and her heart beat faster. "Just give me one round with Jacob, and then I'll deal with Charlie."

"Jacob Black wants to see _me_. That's why he's still here." Bella's face looked worried, then.

"Talk?" She thought we were going to fight.

I decided to make her nervous. "More or less."

"How much more?"

"Don't worry, he's not here to fight me. He's acting as…spokesperson for the pack."

"Oh," she said.

I turned toward the house as I heard Charlie's voice. _Where is she?_ I looked at Bella and said, "We should hurry, Charlie's getting impatient."

We walked up the path, and Jacob came into view. He was leaning against a tree. _Great. He's got his arm around her. Ugh. What is she thinking? Dating a bloodsucker…_

I stopped when we saw him, so that if Jacob phased, he wouldn't hurt Bella. I stood in front of her to protect her.

_Why is he standing like that? Doesn't he know that I won't hurt her? Now him…that's another story. _"Bella." He nodded.

"Why? How could you do this to me, Jacob?" Bella whispered.

_I didn't want you two to be together. I wanted to get you grounded so that you could be safe._ "It's for the best."

Safe? She was safe with me. How could that _dog_ think that she wasn't safe with me? I leaned over to Bella and told her what Jacob had thought.

"Aw, Jake! I'm _already_ grounded! Why do you think I haven't been down to La Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?"

_What? Really? I thought it was because Edward wouldn't let you go._ "That's why?" He slipped. _Business, Jake. Business._

I told him what he had thought again.

"Stop that," Jacob ordered.

"Bella wasn't exaggerating about your…abilities. So you must know why I'm here."

"Yes, but before you begin, I need to say something," I agreed.

Jacob waited. _Well, out with it, bloodsucker._

"Thank you. I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my…existence. For keeping Bella alive when I…didn't."

"Edward-" Bella began, but I held one hand up. I needed to hear his response without the influence of Bella.

"I didn't do it for your benefit," he finally replied.

"I know. But that doesn't erase the gratitude I feel. I thought you should know. If there's anything in my power to do for you…"

Jacob raised one brow. _You could leave again._

I shook my head. "That's not in my power." I would never leave her.

"Whose, then?" Jacob hissed.

I looked at Bella and said, "Hers. I'm a quick learner, Jacob Black, and I don't make the same mistake twice. I'm here until she orders me away."

Bella stared back at me and whispered, "Never." She looked over to Jacob, then, and said, "Was there something else you needed, Jacob? You wanted me in trouble - mission accomplished. Charlie might just send me to military school. But that won't keep me away from Edward. There's nothing that can do _that_. What more do you want?"

Jacob kept looking at me and said, "I just needed to remind your bloodsucking friends of a few key points in the treaty they agreed to. The treaty that is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out this minute."

"We haven't forgotten." I said, while Bella said simultaneously, "What key points?"

Bella kept looking at me, but said, "The treaty is quite specific. If any of them bite a human, the truce is over. _Bite,_ not kill."

Bella gasped. "That's none of your business."

"The hell it-" Then he realized that we were planning on changing Bella, and that she was aware of that. He started screaming insults at me and cursing in his mind. The anger started welling up, and he started convulsing. He was about to phase.

"Jake? You okay?" Bella asked, while taking a step towards him.

"Careful! He's not under control," I warned Bella as I pulled her back behind me.

"Ugh, I would never hut her," Jake said. _You on the other hand…_

I hissed under my breath.

"BELLA!" Charlie bellowed, "YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!" I hadn't noticed that he had become aware of our arrival, or the time that had passed. I knew that Bella was late, though.

Bella mumbled, "Crap."

"I _am_ sorry about that. I had to do what I could - I had to try…" Jacob started.

"Thanks." Bella said.

"Just one more thing. We've found no trace of Victoria on our side of the line - have you?"

Although I had already heard the answer since Jacob thought it, he said, "The last time was while Bella was…away. We let her think she was slipping through - we were tightening the circle, getting ready to ambush her, but then she took off like a bat out of hell. Near as we can tell, she caught your little female's scent and bailed. She hasn't come near our lands since."

I nodded. "When she comes back, she's not your problem anymore. We'll -"

"She killed on our turf," Jacob interrupted. "She's ours!"

"No-" Bella began to protest, but Charlie interrupted.

"BELLA! I SEE HIS CAR AND I _KNOW_ YOU'RE OUT THERE. IF YOU ARE NOT _INSIDE_ THIS HOUSE IN _ONE_ MINUTE…!"

His thoughts were hostile. I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist and said, "Let's go."

"Sorry," Jacob whispered. "Bye, Bells."

"You promised," Bella said, "Still friends, right?"

Jacob made up a story saying that he didn't know how they could be friends, but his underlying cause was to make Bella try to chase after him. He was trying to take her from me. She tried to go over to him, but I wouldn't let her. Charlie was furious, and his thoughts weren't genuine. It almost turned into a fight, but Charlie saved the day.

"ISABELLA _SWAN_!" Charlie yelled.

"Come on! Charlie's mad! Hurry!" Bella started tugging me toward her house.

Jacob wasn't happy that his plan fell through. He also didn't realize that I had heard all of his thoughts. What an idiotic dog.

I walked toward the house with my arm around Bella's waist. When she saw Charlie's purple face, she shuddered. "I'm here," I said.

Bella took a deep breath and walked forward.

Yes, everything was perfect, even in these circumstances.

* * *

**A/N:** I'm going to be without internet for a bit, so the poll closes sometime on SUNDAY! I'd really appreciate your vote. And I want to come back to a lot of reviews! I want to know what you think about my first fanfic. Thanks for reading. :)

PirateExtraordinaire.


	23. Afterward

AFTERWARD

Dear readers,

Thank you so much for your awesome support. Without you guys, I wouldn't have made it past chapter one. One review makes all the difference.

This fanfic was conjured up because I was tired of reading Twilight EPOVs. (By the way, if you have written or read a good Twilight EPOV, I'm not flaming it, I just wanted to point out that there are a TON of them out there.) I couldn't find a New Moon EPOV, so I figured that I would write one. I toyed with the idea for a few months, actually.

My final decision to write this fanfic was when I realized that I couldn't write a 400 word essay for my English teacher. I decided to write this in order to have more free flowing essays. (And it worked, by the way.)

At any rate, this was a mere project to improve my writing skills, and also to get a New Moon EPOV in the fan fiction realm. Once again, THANK YOU SO MUCH for reviewing, and you guys have inspired me. I will be writing an Eclipse EPOV, beginning as soon as I can. Be prepared - it's probably going to be very long. I have a couple of betas lined up for the upcoming fanfic. Their screen names are Gabriel Wolfe and amose. Check out their stories!

With unceasing gratitude,

PirateExtraordinaire


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